Suicidal thoughts
by Jacob is so mine
Summary: We all know when Edward leaves Bella she falls into a deep depression…what if it had gotten even worse? Would anyone be able to fix her or would she end up dead? In various perspectives. may get a little ooc
1. i dont want to talk, just leave me alone

**Authors note: Ok so I was just thinking I'd try this…if you've read my other work you'd know it's mostly just funny/humor/parody …this is my attempt at something a little darker…this should be interesting. **

**Summery: We all know when Edward leaves Bella she falls into a deep depression…what if it had gotten even worse? Would anyone be able to fix her or would she end up dead? In various perspectives. **

**(Bella's POV)**

I was sitting on my bed motionlessly. This was the sixth night in a row I had woken up screaming. I didn't know what to do, but then again I didn't want to do anything. I couldn't watch TV, or listen to music, I couldn't go on the computer, talk to my friends, nothing would help!!!! Whatever I did just reminded me of- oh I can't even say it, can't even think the dreaded name. Just thinking of him pooled my brain back up with unhealthy images.

I knew I should have never went for him, never talked to him. The first day I saw him coming through the white, double doors of that cafeteria I should have known better…I should have known he was too good for me…should have known he'd leave.

It's just I couldn't help myself…. Those perfect topaz eyes, that flawless, white shinny skin- that's it!!! I should stop right there….stop thinking about him all together….with every thought of him I knew I was slowly killing myself…I just couldn't help it, I couldn't stop.

I needed to get my mind off things. I took out my knife and slowly started cutting thin lines through my arms. As I watched the blood fall I couldn't feel the pain…in fact I had stopped feeling the pain a long time ago. When he left I stopped feeling everything. Pain, happiness, I couldn't feel anything but the intense numbness…the familiar feelings of my state of shock.

When he left he thought I'd be ok, thought I could just start my life over. He should have known that wasn't true. He had to have known…I guess he just wanted me to suffer…and that I truly did.

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I some how got a couple of minutes of actual sleep in until my alarm clock rang. The noise made me roll out of bed and land head first onto the hard, cold wood floor.

"Are you ok?" I heard Charlie yell from in the other room cautiously…maybe he thought I was trying to kill myself.

"I'm fine…just rolled out of bed." I answered, as I slowly made my way back up and onto my feet. Well that statement was only half true…I hadn't hurt myself too badly from the fall, but there was no way that the state I was in anyone would consider me fine.

"Bella we're going to have guests in an hour just warning you." Charlie yelled from down stairs again as I heard the blender go off…oh god he was trying to cook for himself again, that could not be good.

Normally I would be down helping him but there was no way I wanted to be anywhere near that kitchen when our guests came. I just couldn't deal with people anymore…in fact I had started online schooling just so I wouldn't have to deal with the bothers of society…god knows the last time I had been out of this house. To stop thinking about it I decided to take a shower. I hadn't washed my hair in forever so it couldn't hurt.

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**(Charlie's POV) **

"Uhhh." I sighed when I heard the shower go off…thank god Bella wasn't trying to kill herself. Though I knew it would only be a matter of time…I could see the slits on her arms that she tried to hid, each day they got closer and closer to that vital organ…if she hit that vain I knew it would be all over.

I knew I shouldn't think like this, but how else could I think? I mean what would you think of your child if you found a knife in her room and blood on her pillows? Something had to be done before this got too far. I wasn't sure what I could do but when Jacob and Billy came walking in I got an idea….

"Hey Charlie, how's it going?" Jacob asked, with that smile that could light up this whole town. I swear that kid was like a walking ball of sunshine…Billy didn't know how lucky he was to have a boy like that.

"Uh…good." I answered…yeah like that sounded believable.

"Something you want to talk about?" He asked sitting down.

"Jacob, leave him alone…can't you see he doesn't want to be bothered by a pest like you." Billy said rolling in behind him.

"I was just trying to help." Jacob muttered as he walked into the other room…it was time to get my plan into action.

"Um Jacob if it's not too much to ask there was something I really could use your help with." I said as he stopped and turned around to face me.

"Sure, anything." He answered, polity…if you asked most teenagers a question like that they'd give you a, 'I can't be bothered face' but he actually seemed happy to help…or maybe he just wanted time away from Billy. I couldn't blame the kid….the old man could get sour at times…god knows what it's like to be with him twenty four seven.

"Well you know Bella's kind of…well not herself since he left." He didn't bother say his name…if Bella heard it shed go through another spiral. "I was wondering if maybe….you could try talking to her….she doesn't have many friends anymore and I was just-" I started to say…Jacob cut me off.

"Enough said…I'll talk to her." He answered, pausing at the stairs. "Is she still in the sho-" He started to ask.

"No, she came out a while ago…you can go right up." I answered. Maybe that kid could knock some happiness into her…it was worth a shot right?

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**(Jacob's POV) **

I slowly made my way up to Bella's room, stopping when I got to the door….What could I say to her? What should I say to her? 'hey, your dad thinks your going to kill yourself, he wanted me to talk to you' yeah, that sounded good, she'd surly let me in with a statement like that.

Since I didn't know what to say, and I could see Charlie peering at me from down stairs with a hopeful expression on his face I decided to just suck it up and wing it.

I opened the door to find her cutting herself. "Hello…." I said as I slowly walked in. She was so frightened she jumped a mile and almost landed on her head…I caught her before any of that could happen though.

"What the hell are you doing here?" She asked as she tried to hide the knife.

"It's too late for that." I said taking it out of her hands. "You've been busted."

"Get the hell out of my room, and give me that back!!!" She venom strickenly yelled as she tried to take the knife from my hands and push me out the door at the same time.

"Come on, stop that." I said as I placed her down on her bed. "Don't touch me!!" She yelled….god was she on drugs too? Well let's just say I wouldn't be surprised.

"Can't you just talk to me without trying to murder me?" I asked politely.

"No, I don't want to talk to you, now get your ass the hell out of my room!!!" She yelled…this was going to be a lot harder then I thought. I hoped I'd be able to get through to her…at least for Charlie's sake…..

**Authors note: Ok so that was my attempt at trying something a little different, please tell me what you think. If you like it, if you hate it… **


	2. damn wannabe physiatrist

**Authors note: Well it seems like you guys are enjoying this…let's see what's going to happen….**

**(Charlie's POV)**

"Uhhh Bella, why do you have to do this?" I sighed. I could here the blood curdling, ear piercing screams she was hurdling at Jacob….

He was only trying to help…I didn't see why she had to be so stubborn. I also had no idea how she could hate someone like Jacob, I mean no one could hate Jacob…he was Jacob for god sakes.

Jacob the eternal ball of never ending happiness and sunshine, Jacob the light of everyone's life…no one could hate him, could they?

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"Get the hell out of this room, I hate you!!!" I yelled as loud as I possible could….who did this idiot think he was, bursting into my room like he was something special. He had to get out, I couldn't deal with people today, I just couldn't. I didn't want to talk to him and I wouldn't.

"Come on…I just want to talk to you, don't you want someone to talk to?" He asked. What the hell did he think he was, a physiatrist?

"No, I don't want someone to talk to and even if I did I sure as hell wouldn't want it to be you." I answered as I went back over to my bed and tried to suffocate myself with the pillow.

"What the hell are you doing? You're going to kill yourself!!!!" He yelled as he spastically tried to pry the pillow from my tightly gripped hands.

"Well maybe I want to die, ever think of that?" I yelled as I tugged at the pillow harder.

"You know what, I've been trying to talk to you but if you're going to be like this im leaving….I guess you just want to crush your father's heart so I wont try to stop you." He said as he started to walk out of the room.

"What do you mean, 'crush my father's heart'?" I asked him.

"You doing know what your doing is slowly killing him, don't you?" He asked me. "It's driving him insane, he cares about you…if your not going to live for yourself then the least you can do is live for him…he's a good man, he doesn't deserve to be put through this kind of torture." Was all he said before he walked away, taking my knife and pillow with him.

"What are you talking about torture? Im the one going through torture here!!!" I yelled, loud enough so he could here me…he didn't come back in, didn't say another word…the last I heard from him was his steps on the stairs.

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**(Jacob's POV) **

I couldn't believe that girl, she had such a great family and here she was ruining it all over something so stupid…over a breakup. I mean big deal, the guy left almost a month ago…most girls would get over it and have moved onto another guy right now. Not her, instead she tries to kill herself and not only hurt her but the rest of her family.

I felt horrible for Charlie, but there was nothing I could do…I mean she was acting like a psycho bitch…even Leah seamed like an angel in comparison.

When Charlie saw me come down those stairs his face went into utter disappointment in an instant.

"I'm sorry Charlie." I said, as I handed him the pillow and the knife. "If I were you I'd keep these away from her.

He took the items from my hands, and shook his head, sighing. I wanted nothing more then to be able to help him out, but I felt as though there was nothing I could do. So I left him with the only thing I could offer, a word of kindness. "Charlie, no matter what happens to your daughter I'll always be here for you." I said patting him on his back, and walking outside.

That probably sounded kind of strange, but to me it sounded touching, after all I was almost like the son he never had.

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**(Bella's POV) **

I couldn't take this shit anymore, people were annoying as hell. I wanted to take the easy way out, I just wanted to die. I stuck my head under my bed and took out the bottle of pills, if I took enough of them surly it would kill me.

As I lifted the cap off of the meds I heard something, something strange. There was a voice in my head…and you'd never guess who. Could you guess? I bet you got it wrong.

"Don't do this, your no only hurting yourself, think about your father!!!" That's right, the wannabe physiatrist was yelling at me from inside my own head.

**Authors note: Well I guess Jake's words might be sinking in after all…..tell me what you think and don't forget to watch the scream awards on spike tonight…Taylor is going to be resenting another part of the movie**.


	3. i dont need friends

**Authors note: The last chapter was short but I really felt like it had to end where it did…not sure how much longer this chapter will be but it'll definitely be longer then the last one.**

**(Jacob's POV) **

I woke up around 7am, it was Saturday morning but I wasn't much of a late sleeper, I didn't really have any plans for today so I decided to just take a nice, hot shower to kill some time.

I was in mid shampoo when I was interrupted by my father. "Jake, you have any plans today?" He asked….oh god, sounded like I'd have to do something, and by the tone of his voice I could tell, it wasn't going to be enjoyable.

"Um…no." I answered hesitantly, anticipating what was to come next.

"Oh…well that's good…cause-" oh god here it came…. "Charlie and I were going on a fishing trip today...and he was wondering if…you could maybe make sure Bella doesn't do anything stupid." As I was listening to this I wasn't paying attention to what I was doing and ended up pouring the shampoo directly into my eye. That shit hurt like hell. "AHHHH GOD!!!!!" I yelled, as I furiously splashed cool water into my face.

"Oh come on Jake, watching Bella isn't that bad…" He sighed.

"That's not what I was yelling about…I got shampoo in my eye." I muttered, feeling like an idiot. I could hear him snickering in the background.

"Pansy." He remarked as he rolled away.

When I got out of the shower I realized I left my cloths in the other room. I picked up a towel, rapped it around my waist, and shut the door. When I got to my room, I heard a struggle coming from outside.

I looked out the window to see what was going on. What I saw was insane…. "Bella get the hell out of the car!!" Charlie yelled, as he tried to pull her up our dirt driveway. Billy didn't tell me she was coming here.

He looked like he was having a hard time so I decided to go out and help him…..it probably would have been a smart idea to get dressed first….uh whatever, I a towel.

"Need help?" I asked, approaching Charlie. He turned to look at me, his face looked a little strange…yeah…I guess coming out in a towel is a little weird.

"Oh you know what Jake, I'm sure you had plans, I don't need to go fishing, ill stay home with her, you go have fun." He said as he turned to get back into the car. I didn't have anything to do…and he had to spend every freaking day with her, the least I could do was give him a little break…besides, maybe I could really help her. Everyone deserves a second chance right? Just had to get her out of the car….

As Charlie went inside I went over to the other side of his police cruiser where miss crazy was sitting.

"You coming out today?" I asked, tapping on the window. No response, of course.

"Come on, am I really that horrible?" I asked as I tried to open the car door, of course she locked it.

I decided to just sit down on the near by rock and wait, she'd have to come out eventually…..

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**(Bella's POV)**

Oh my god, why the hell did he have to be so annoying? Couldn't he tell I wanted to be alone, I didn't need friends…didn't want friends. Friends just leave you, friends don't care….I don't need anyone, I can live happily all by myself…well maybe not happily but I still don't need people like him.

"If you're not going to come out could you at least tell me why you don't want to talk?" He asked.

I slowly rolled down the window and said, "I can' talk to you because talking leads to friendship and I don't want any friends." I answered.

"Why wouldn't you want any friends?" He asked, looking at me like I was crazy.

"I don't want any friends because friends just go away, you tell them everything and they just drop you, it's over and then you never see them again. I can't deal with people leaving me anymore." I said so softly it was almost a whisper, I was about to cry, I could feel it. I turned around as the tears started to stream down my face……

The next thing I knew I was out of the car, and Jake had me on his lap, he was telling me everything was going to be ok. This felt so nice, he was so warm. I wanted to stay hear forever…well until I realized I was sitting on top of a guy in a towel.

I got up awkwardly blushing, and walked away. Off onto the dusty stone path that lead up to his house.

**Authors note: Ok…so that wasn't much longer then the last chapter but at least were making progress…what do you guys think?**


	4. did you hit a vain?

**Authors note: Thanks so much to everyone who reviewed (= please keep reviewing **

**(Jacob's POV) **

Ok so she's in the house, now what do I do? I thought as I walked up the dirt path behind her…god, I had taken a shower less then an hour ago and now you could barely tell. I looked down at the layers of dirt and leafs caked onto my feet, they looked horrible.

Shoes would have been a good idea….pants would have been even better. When I got into the house I saw Charlie peering up from his newspaper with a look of astonishment.

"How'd you?" he started to say. I just shrugged. I had no idea how I got Bella to come out of the car.

"Well…if you two are ok here we'll be on our way", Charlie said as he opened the door for Billy and followed the wheelchair out. Now all I had to do was figure out what we were going to do.

What would you do if you were stuck alone with a depressed, suicidal, girl? "Hey, you want to watch a movie?" I asked looking over at her, she was sprawled out on my too small couch.

"I don't like movies." She mumbled.

"Is it because of him?" I asked, I wouldn't dare mention his name and set her off again.

"Maybe…."

"Well…we don't have to watch romantic comedies or anything…how about something completely unrelated…like horror? A vampire movie?" I asked as I took out an under world movie.

All of the sudden she became pain stricken and tears started streaming down her pail face. What could I have said?

I ran through my last few sentences in my head…horror, movie, vampire? What the hell set her off?

I couldn't think of any sort of explanation unless…no the rumors couldn't be true, vampires weren't real, it was impossible…she must have just thought something depressing.

"Are you alright?" I asked walking over to her.

"Do I look alright?!?!" She snapped at me…so much for breakthrough.

I quickly thought of a subject change but came up a little short…all I could think to ask was, "You want something to eat?" Which really had nothing to do with anything.

"No thanks" She sighed, staring at me…what was she looking at? I thought. I began to feel self conscious…I needed to put on some pants.

"If I leave to get dressed will you promise to stay here?" I asked. She didn't answer….I decided to just hurry up, god knows if she'd be back when I was done.

As I searched my dresser for something suitable to wear I heard a strange noise coming from what sounded like the kitchen…oh god what the hell could she be doing now?

"Bella are you alright?" I asked as I stumbled out of my room, zipping my pants as I went.

When I got to the kitchen I saw her with scissors tightly gripped in her hands. "What are you doing with those?" I asked questioningly coming into the room.

"……Nothing." She mumbled putting them away. As she placed the scissors back into the drawer, little red specks started to drip off of her arm. I sighed, taking her arm in my hands.

"I can't leave you alone for two minutes can I?" I asked as I started to look down at my own hand, it was covered in blood. "Oh my god Bella did you hit a vain?" I asked, taking a better look at her arm.

She was squeezing it in some insane attempt to stop blood flow.

"I need to take you to the hospital, get in the car!!!" I yelled, rapping her wrist with a towel, and getting my keys.

**Authors note: Oh gosh….Bella's in trouble now… You think she's gonna die? IDK maybe just some stitches. **


	5. Charlie will be pissed

**Authors note: Omg, omg, omg what's gonna happen?!?!? Will Bella be ok? Let's find out……..**

**(Bella's POV) **

Oh shit, my dad was going to kill me…well that was if I didn't get to myself first. My arm was bleeding like a never ending waterfall and no matter how much pressure I put on it, it wouldn't stop...then again I wasn't very strong so that could have been the problem.

It looked horrible, but I really didn't hurt, I couldn't feel anything anymore anyway.

I stared at my open wound, questioningly. How could it look this painful and yet feel like nothing more the a tiny paper cut? Maybe I was just in a state of shock, after all it did freak me out too see how much blood I had lost. I must have hit a vain because the sticky, red, liquid had flowed all the way onto Jake's seats….Huh Jake, he must have been pissed.

I looked up at his face, in some wild attempt to read his mind. I didn't know what he was thinking, but his arm muscles looked tight and tense as they gripped the steering wheel. From the corner of his eye, I could see him peering at me. I guess to make sure I was still alive.

"You alright?" he asked, turning his face away from the road to look at me for a slight second.

"…..I'm not dead." I answered. Yeah, that really sounded good.

"Well, were almost there." He answered as the hospital building came into view.

Jake quickly drove into the parking garage, taking his ticket and parking in the first spot he found. He then got out of the car, and came around to help me as well.

"Is your arm still bleeding?" He asked. I didn't bother to answer, just stuck out my arm as my blood started to drip onto him as well.

"Well at least we're here now." He said, grabbing my good arm and taking my hand, pulling me through the hospital doors.

"Do you think we could do something about this?" Jake asked the lady at the front desk, holding my wrist up.

"Sure, come right this way." She smiled, leading us into a near by room. As I got into the hospital bed I wondered who the doctor was now….since you know who was gone.

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**(Jake's POV) **

"Uhhh." I sighed, thank god we were at the hospital now, I thought as I whipped my hand to my head, completely forgetting it was covered in blood.

As I went to go wash up at a near by sink, I saw a doctor come in out of the corner of my eye.

"So…what happened?" He asked, looking at Bella questioningly.

"She was cooking and she slashed herself with the knife." I lied….It sounded pretty believable.

"Hum, I see." He answered as he scribbled on his clipboard. "This is definitely going to need stitches…how much blood has she lost?" He asked looking at me for an answer.

"Um…I don't know, a lot." I answered, looking down at my blood spattered cloths. "It's all over the car and everything."

"Uhhh, I see…well she may have hit an artery." He examined. Did he just say artery? That did not sound good.

When the doctor was out of sight Bella whispered, "Jake please don't tell Charlie about this, he'll freak."

"Tell you what, you stop cutting yourself and we'll see." I answered…she just shook her head, un willing to answer yes to the completely reasonable request.

The doctor tied her arm to cut off blood flow and started stitching. I held her hand and traced lines up and down her other arm to get her mind off things. As I was doing this her phone went off.

I took it to see who it was…oh god Charlie. What should I say? I thought as I pressed the button on the phone.

"Hey Charlie, what's up?" I asked, trying to sound calm, though I was sure he could hear the worry behind my voice.

"Hey kid, is Bella ok?" He asked…oh god… "Yeah, she's good." I lied.

"Oh…can I talk to her?" He asked…he just had to make this hard, didn't he?

"Um…she's in the bathroom right now." I answered.

"Oh…well what are you two up to?" He asked.

"Oh you know….were just hanging out…" I answered, as the doctor started to talk.

"You may need a blood transfusion." The doctor told Bella…..shit, why'd he have to talk so loud?

"Who's that?" Charlie asked. "Oh that…that was just the tv…were watching a movie." I answered…I felt horrible lying to him but I figured I'd feel even worse telling him the truth……

**Authors note: OMG another chapter….not really much to say here, please, please review and I hope you all have an awesome Halloween. Oh tell me what ur all gonna be. I'm going to be little red ridding hood…looking for my wolf LOL…Hopefully It'll be a super hot werewolf he turns into a super awesome guy…. **


	6. defibrillators are never a good sign

**Authors note: Ok in this chapter I really want to go for detail…we shall see how that one turns out. **

**(Charlie's POV)**

My stomach sank, and tied itself into a tight knot as I heard a familiar voice on the other end of the phone.

My mind went blank for a second, and then all of the sudden, pieces started to come together like a jigsaw puzzle. The unhidable worry in Jacob's voice, blood transfusion, the familiar voice on the other line, the fact that Bella wasn't able to get to the phone.

All of the sudden everything made perfect sense…..Jacob was lying to me, and Bella had hurt herself again.

I thought for a second about what it would take to hurt yourself so badly, and to lose so much blood you'd need a transfusion. That's when I figured it out, when all my worries and fears for her came true.

She had hit the vital organ in her arm, the one I had feared she was getting closer and closer to each day. Oh how could I be so stupid and let her do something like this? Why hadn't Jacob stopped her? What was going on?

As all these questions flooded my mind I began to feel faint, and dizzy, the worry over flowed my body as I stumbled, head first, off the dock and into the blue, wave filled river.

"Are you alright?" Billy yelled spastically, as he threw the peach colored life preserver into the waters edge, causing even bigger waves.

"I have to go." I said as I swam back to shore, fishing my cell phone out of the water as I went.

"What's going on?" Billy asked me, in utter confusion.

"Bella's in the hospital, I have to go." I answered getting into my curser and speeding down the road.

As I drove I thought about how insane it would be for a cop to be pulled over and given a speeding…I wondered if the emergency rule applied here, if it did I could just turn on my flashing sirens and go as fast as I wanted to.

60, 70, 80, I went, I didn't care, I just wanted to see Bella, wanted to make sure she was ok. So I drove as fast as I could and I was fine….until slammed into the back bumper of a car. I should have been paying more attention to the road, but right now I couldn't pay attention to anything, I just wanted to make sure my baby was ok.

The moment I hit the car mine started spinning out of control. My neck went in circles of painful whiplash as my leg tangled in my seatbelt and the air bags finally opened banging up my nose pretty badly.

When I thought the craziness was finally over I heard another bang from the side as sharp pain came over my entire body and everything around me went black.

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**(Jake's POV) **

As I watched Bella get the IV pricked into her arm I heard crazed yelling coming from the halls. I went to see what was going on and caught a slight glimpse of a man being rushed into the ER in a hospital stretcher. Doctors and ER workers were yelling things like, "Unresponsive" and "get the defibrillators."

As I watched them try to shock the man back to life a strange feeling of knowing who that was came over me…..oh god, it couldn't be who I thought it was, could it?

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**Authors note: OMG, OMG, OMG!!!!! This is getting insane!!! What do you guys think?!?!?! Dramatastic? …..I make up my own words a lot LOL (= Anyways love you all!! Please, please review!!!!!!! **


	7. time to break the news

**Authors note: So last chapter we kind of left it at a cliffy….you want to know what happens?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? …..Well ok then…I'll show you. **

**(Bella's POV)**

Uhhh god, I was defiantly beginning to feel pain again. I looked down at my now fully stitched arm, it looked like I was being taken over by the bride of Frankenstein. I inwardly groaned in pain and wondered if they'd give me meds for this. It was probably a fifty/ fifty chance….Considering they'd probably think I'd try to get high off of them or something….Hum thinking that didn't really sound like such a bad idea, at least I'd be in a happier state…

As I was thinking this over Jacob came back into the room with a pained expression on his face. I could see his muscles tense as he inched his way over my bed.

"Shit, this is not good." He sighed, sitting down on the chair between the television and the bedside table. I looked up at him, surprised. I had known him for so long and in all that time I had never heard him cuss, not even once!! Something had to be terribly wrong.

"What'd going on?" I asked, confused.

"It's Charlie." He sighed, taking his head in his hands. Wait…something had happened to my father?

"What's wrong with Charlie?" I asked spastically, using my good arm to pull his face away from his hands.

"He….he was coming to see you…and he…he got into a car crash…they…they have him on life support." He mumbled, shakily. I couldn't believe what I was hearing, it was just too horrible.

At that moment I realized all of what Jake was saying earlier was true, I was slowly killing my father, in fact he could die right now because of my stupidity.

"Where is he, I want to see him." I said getting out of the germ infested hospital bed and setting off the alarm.

"Sit back down…your not suppose to get up." He sighed, in monotone, pushing me back over the mattress. "Besides, their not letting anyone in at this time, I had to beg them to tell me if that was even him."

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**(Jake's POV) **

As I sat in the chair, un able to move I watched Bella struggle back to her feet and manage to get out of the room. I didn't bother to stop her, the hospital staff surly was capable of doing that themselves.

As a few nurses tried to wrangle her back in I heard one scream, apparently someone had gotten bitten…I never knew Bella had it in her, she really didn't take anyone's shit.

If only she could have used this kind of attitude on her idiot ex, then im sure he'd be the one crying.

While thinking this, and trying to picture it in my head my phone started to ring and shocked me right out of my day dream. I looked down to see who it was….oh god my father…I better answer this one.

"Hello." I answered, without much enthusiasm.

"What the hells going on down there?" He asked. My mind drifted back to where he was…Charlie must have left him on the dock…no wonder why he was pissed.

"Bella and Charlie are in the hospital." I answered as another blood curdling scream from the nurses rang in my ears followed by a plead from Bella to let her see her father.

"What was that?" Billy asked, clearly hearing the voices in the background.

"Bella's fighting with the nurse, I've gotta go….I'll get someone to pick you up soon though." I answered, slamming the phone back down, and jamming it into my pocket.

"Isabella Marie Swan get off that nurse this instant young lady!!!"

**Authors note: What's gonna happen?!?!? Please, please, please review I love you all (= new chapter up either later today or tomorrow. **


	8. Your bulimic?

**Authors note: I am damn tired of writing these damn authors notes…let's just get on with it, shall we? **

**(Bella's POV)**

Today was so ironically insane. You see, these past few months I had been dying to feel emotion, even the slightest smidgen of any kind, and I couldn't, I just wasn't able to. Now today I was overwhelmed with it, from guilt, to sadness and depression, I had too much of it!!! I just wanted it to all go away like it had for so long. I wanted to rip it out of myself and burry it in the deep hole of no return.

I couldn't believe so much had happened in the past hour, from my traumatic hospital experience to my father's. It was way too much stress for any normal person to handle….. let alone someone like me. I was irritable, emotionally drained. I just wanted to take a nap, wake up and have this all be just a dream, just a horribly, surreal nightmare, but of course that was unattainably impossible.

As if today hadn't been horrible enough Jacob was not making me feel any better, in fact he was making everything horribly worse. His normal ball of sunshine had left him and he now resembled a dark rain cloud.

He never said anything to tell me that all of this was really my fault, which I sort of wanted to hear. Anything would have been better then what he did tell me. Instead of blaming me, the rightful person for this tragedy, he had somehow turned it all on himself, saying that he should have never left me alone.

I felt terrible to see all this guilt spread upon him, I also felt a crazed urge to take it away, and make him feel better, but I couldn't. I could barely help myself let alone another person. I sighed and went over to the hospital window, setting the bed alarm off once again. It didn't really matter though, no one would yell at me considering I punched a nurse in the face. Thank god my dad was the chief of police or Id probably be in jail right now….

Uhhh…I had to stop thinking of my father, at least for right now. Later when he was out of Acoma and things were back to normal that would be a different story. I desperately tried to focus on the birds in the tree to get my mind off things but it really wasn't helping.

"What are you doing?" Jacob asked, smiling at my strained expression. "You look like your constipated."

"I'm trying to get my mind off things." I muttered, looking over at him instead of the bird. He had taken his shirt off to clean it and I could see his beautifully sculpted chest, he had the bisects of a god, and the most well rounded six pack I had ever seen….Well this was one way to get my mind off of things…..

"Bella, what are you staring at?" He blushed, self-consciously flipping his hair.

"Wh- oh nothing." I mumbled, blushing like an idiot.

"You want to maybe…go down to the cafeteria, and get something to eat…get your mind off things?" He asked.

"Huh? Oh sure." I muttered snapping myself back into reality, why did his rustle skin have to be so damn encapsulating?

*****************************

When we got down to the cafeteria I sat down at one of the dull blue tables that matched the dull blue walls of the boring ass hospital. I didn't really want anything to eat.

"Your not hungry?" Jacob asked, looking at me with concern.

"No…I only eat one meal a day." I answered…he seemed to not approve.

"That's not good for you, come on, I'm sure there's something up there that looks appetizing." He reasoned.

"Jacob if you make me eat I'll just puke it back up later." I truthfully answered.

"Oh…so now your emo and bulimic?" He questioned.

"Nooooo….." I tried to lie. He just laughed. "What's so funny?" I asked, disapproving.

"You're a horrid liar." Jake smirked.

"Oh yeah well….your half naked."

"What the hell kind of comeback was that?" He asked.

"I don't know." I sighed, looking at the huge sandwich he had on his cafeteria tray.

"So, no good comebacks and you can't lie…good thing you're cute." He smirked again, taking a bite out of his generous sandwich. "Want a piece?" he asked for the tenth time. I decided I might as well give in.

"Fine." I sighed, taking his sandwich and making a face.

"What's wrong now?" He asked, confused.

"I can taste you on this."

"That sounded wrong." He smirked.

"You're so dumb." I laughed for the first time in forever…I guess the ball of sunshine was back….at least for a while.

*******************

When Jake was finished eating we made your way back up the elevator and he asked me, "So what are you going to do tonight….I don't feel that it'd be safe leaving you alone."

"You don't trust me?" I asked, ashamed.

"After today….hell no."

"Well what do you suppose I do?" I asked him.

"You could come stay with me, my couch is always open."

"Hum….I might have to take you up on that offer." I thought…after all I really didn't think it'd be a good idea to leave myself alone either.

****************

**Authors note: I feel that we ended that on a slightly lighter note…..hey Bella actually smiled, isn't that insane? What do you guys think will happen at Jake's house?!?!? A friendship? Something more? Please review and tell me…**


	9. You left Billy at the dock all night?

**Authors note: Blah, blah, blah, please read and review….lol I seriously am tired of writing these authors notes so im gonna make it about something totally unrelated…have you guys seen the commercial for the movie the box? I was just wondering….if you had that choice would you take the million dollars knowing you killed someone? **

**(Bella's POV) **

"So, what do you want to do now?" Jake asked…looking over at me from across the couch.

"I don't know….I don't really enjoy television…or music." I started to say. He stopped me.

"No problem, we can do something totally unrelated." He answered, getting up and walking out of view. I could hear him rummaging through the closet…what the hell was he getting? I thought, as I slumped over on his living room couch. It was small but surprisingly very comfortable.

After about ten minutes of him not coming back I began to worry, my mind started to wander…what could he possibly be getting…and why the hell was it taking so damn long for him to find it?

"Jacob…what the hell are you looking for?" I yelled across the room anxiously.

"Hold on….I've almost got it out." He yelled from what sounded like miles away.

Five minutes later he was back with a big, multi colored, box. I squinted to see what it was but was unable to tell. "What the hell is that?" I asked, in utter confusion.

He didn't answer…just held it out for me to see. "You want to play guess who littlest pet shop addition?" I asked, giggling.

"Yeah…why not?" he asked.

"Why do you even have that?" I asked.

"It was my sister's ok…gosh." He protested.

"Sure it was." I smiled. This was the most I had ever felt truly happy in a while….it was strange…laughing without faking or straining it…..

"Well do you want to play or not?" he asked taking the pink and purple game out of the box.

"I guess." I said looking at the box…wow ages four and up….very appropriate.

"Pink or purple?"

"I don't care."

***************************

After about an hour of playing "guess who littlest pet shop addition" or as I'd like to call it the gayest game on the face of the earth, I started to feel extremely tired. It was around ten thirty so I didn't know why I was so tired…I guess it was just the stress of a long day.

I yawned and stretched and Jake started to get the idea. "You wanna go to sleep?" He asked.

"Yeah…Im so tired." I moaned.

"Sure that's it, your just getting out of this game because you know I was winning." He smirked, jokingly.

"Yeah, that's it." I laughed again….laughing was actually strangely enjoyable….how interesting. "Where's Billy?" I asked… Did Jake leave him on the dock all night? He couldn't have…could he?

"Shit!!!" Jake muttered, smacking himself in the face. "Are you going to be alright here by yourself for like twenty minutes?" He asked, looking at me seriously.

"Yeah…." I answered…hopefully I wouldn't disappoint him.

**(Jake's POV) **

OH MY GOD!!! I cannot believe I left my father at the fishing dock all night long!!!! He was going to murder me when he saw me, or at least try to run me over with his wheelchair and key up my car while I'm laying in pain or something….ok maybe I was overreacting just a little. But seriously, what would you do to a guy who left you out on a fishing dock all day. For hours, and hours, and more hours!!!!!

Personally, I would definitely be pissed. As I drove my head filled with unsettling images…Billy hadn't called me in hours…what if he had drowned himself? Or tried to wheel himself home and gotten hit by a car?

I already felt enough guilt from earlier today…if anything else happened I would surly turn as emo as Bella!!! Oh my god…Bella!!!!

I looked in the back seat and realized no one was there…I had left Bella by herself? What the hell was I thinking? Could I have been any more insane? I looked around…in an attempt to see where I was.

It would probably smarter just to keep driving…if I turned around now I would never get back to Billy. I was only minutes away from the fishing site anyway….ah the good old dock. Images of past times there filled my head.

I could remember Bella and I as children playing there in the summers….we were taking a hike near the water and she had fallen in and started screaming, the park ranger had thought she'd been attacked by a bear or something. Sadly her coordination had not improved with age. God only knows what that girl'd be like in heels…to her those things would be suicidal…thinking of the way she acted I began to wonder why she didn't wear heels…they'd surly get to her faster then any stupid knifes…maybe she'd just never thought that over…I probably shouldn't say anything…give her any sort of ideas or encouragement that I'd regret latter.

I was thinking so hard that when I snapped back to reality I realized I had missed my turn. Going back I realized I had run over something strange….i went out to go see what it was….a black and silver cell phone…where had I seen that before….oh no!!! No!! NOOO!!! NOOOO!!!! It couldn't be!!!!!

**That's it for now…..please review guys…oh answer the question from the top, I want to see what you guys would say. **


	10. Your in jail?

**Authors note: I would have gotten this up sooner guys, but I was kind of torn…I had like 4 ideas but im deciding to go with the most dramatic one, I hope you love it. **

**(Jacobs POV) **

As panic set in I began to feel paralyzed, I couldn't think, couldn't move. I decided it'd be best just to sit down next to my car and try to regain feeling.

As I sat, and rocked back and forth, trying to soothe myself I noticed flashing lights and heard sirens from behind. I turned my head to see what all the fuss was about and a cop car froze behind me….shit….

The cop, who I recognized as Charlie's deputy, slowly began to approach me. As he inched close, I could see him feel for his gun…I guess I looked dangerous or something.

"What are you doing laying on the pavement son?" He asked…I wasn't really sure how to explain the situation. I figured it'd be best just to tell him about Billy. Before I could even say a word he opened my car door and began searching. "Are you on drugs?" He asked looking in the glove compartment.

"No!!" I snapped, astonished he'd think such a thing. Snapping at a cop was probably not the best idea…I inwardly prayed I wouldn't end up in jail.

As he leaned over to get into my glove compartment I saw him flinch…I wasn't sure what was wrong.

"Where'd this blood come from?" he asked. Oh shit!!! Why didn't I clean the car? Why did Bella have to bleed on it in the first place? I was so going to jail….

"I didn't kill anyone." I started….wait does that make me sound suspicious? Oh shit it probably did.

**(Bella's POV) **

Uhhh, I thought as I furiously paced the room. I really didn't want to get into any trouble, but there was nothing else I could possibly do!! The only thing I could think about was how good it would feel to cut myself right now. To just be able to stick the blade threw my wrist and watch the blood drip down my arm, feeling the pain, numbness, and having everything just fade away for awhile.

Stop!! I thought. Couldn't I see how bad that had been? Did I really want anyone else hurt? I needed to stop thinking about dripping blood.

To get my mind off things I figured I'd take a shower. I felt grimy and nasty anyway, I knew I had to have tons of dried sweat and blood all over my body from earlier.

As I undressed, and slowly turned the red and blue knobs, trying to mix hot and cold to make the perfect warm water, the dried blood started to almost melt off of me, and drain into the water's flitter.

As I watched the water turn from a clear blue to an almost pink I felt better. As if I was whipping this away and starting a new beginning.

I got a towel off the rack feeling almost im powered. I could do better, I could do this I thought.

The phone started to go off as I was thinking…I didn't know the number but decided to answer anyway.

"Hello." I answered, almost cheerfully happy with my new life choice.

"Hey Bella…..I'm um…in jail." Someone who sounded like Jacob said…it couldn't be Jacob could it? It just couldn't!!!

"Jacob?" I asked...unable to believe it was him on the other line.

"Yeah…" he sighed, I could here the pain and anger in his voice.

"What? How?" I asked, pressing the phone to my ear, making sure I didn't miss a word of his explanation. I was sooo confused.

"Um…it's a long story…the cops telling me to get off the phone." Was all he said before the line went dead…well good bye good mood.

**Authors note: OMG Jakey's in jail!!!!! This is sooo not good!! How will Bella manage to stay sane with all this going on? And if you think that's bad were not even close to what horribleness is going to come…… This is unrelated but don't you find this story kind of a rollercoaster of emotion or is that just me? I mean one minute happy then depressing…. **


	11. dark alley of no return

**Authors note: Sorry I haven't gotten a chapter up in a while guys, I've been busy…ok not really….I've just been lazy…I told the truth lol anyway here's another one hope you **love** it (=**

**(Bella's POV)**

Once I got that phone call I felt my heart sink into the pit of my stomach. My best and only friend was in jail, and it was all because of me. I was so stupid, I hurt everyone I loved, my father and now my best friend. No wonder _he_ left, if I were him I'd leave me too.

I couldn't keep going down this path…I had to end it soon….but first, I had to help Jacob…after all, it was the least I could do. I quickly ran outside, not bothering to change or fix my hair. I just decided to go out in my towel, I didn't care what the hell I looked like anyway.

When I got outside I realized something…..I didn't have my truck. I was going to have to walk all the way to the police station, all the way down the rugged stone roads.

I should have at least gotten some shoes on, but I didn't, I just started running. As I ran I could feel the pain of rocks and sticks try to jab there way into my feet, but I didn't care. I wanted to punish myself with the pain, punish myself as much as I could.

****************

When I got half way there I decided to take a short cut through a dark alley on the other side of a bar. As I passed by, I felt something strange in my stomach, a terrible feeling, like someone was following me.

I didn't want to turn around, but after a couple of horrid minutes the feeling did not diminish….as I heard foot steps approach I slowly turned my head.

There were three men standing behind me…I felt as though I'd known them from somewhere…like I'd seen them not too long ago.

As I tried to think back to where I may have known them from, one started to speak.

"Well look who we have here…doesn't she look familiar boys?" One of the men asked the others, as I saw them give me a once over.

"Yeah…she's the one with the boyfriend…the boyfriend who tried to run us over!!!" The guy yelled as I started to back up…that's when I knew all to well who these guys were.

"So little girl, where's that boyfriend of yours now?" The tallest of the men asked, coming closer to me…oh shit!!!! Why the hell did I have to go down the stupid alley? I thought to myself as I pondered an escape.

"My…my boyfriend….is…in….in the bar." I stuttered.

"Oh really?"

"Yeah!!" I said, trying to keep my voice strong when in reality I sounded like a scared little kitten.

"I think she's lying to us boys, what do you think?"

"I think we don't like liars."

"What is it we do to liars around here boys?" He asked as all three of them circled close to me…..I really didn't want to hear the other guys answer…..

* * *

**Authors note: OH MY GOD!!!! Who else thinks Bella's a dumbass? **


	12. One last desprate attempt

**TIMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE 2 update again!!!!!! YAYYYYYYY were all gonna see what happens!!!!!!!!!!!!! **

**(Jacob's POV) **

Jail smelled of fear and regret, I thought as I sat on the hard, cold, metal bench. I hated this place so much, and now I might be in here for life. This totally sucked. I mean sure I'd do the time if I'd done the crime, but I haven't done anything!!!! I knew hanging out with Bella would have gotten me into trouble sooner or later, I was positive of it. I just didn't want to leave her alone. All I wanted to do was make her life better and now she's turned my whole world upside-down.

I had no idea where my father was, Charlie was close to death, and I was in jail, I was locked up in a cell. I thought over and over again. It just wouldn't sink in. This whole experience had left me in shock and I wasn't able to process any of it.

I mean I was a good person, sometimes I got into a little mischief of mayhem, but never any thing horrid enough to land me in jail!!! I was noting like these people, I though as I looked around at my cell mated.

I didn't have any big tattoos and I sure as hell didn't resemble a vicious animal. These people scared me. All I wanted to do was be able to go home, to just leave this retched place.

You weren't treated like a person here, but a filthy animal. The cops looked at you like you were scum and processing was absolutely horrible. I would never be able to apply for a well paying job now that I had a mug shot!!!!

**(Bella's POV) **

As the three men backed my into a corner I felt helpless, there was no way out of this and I was sure I was going to get hurt or assaulted in some way. I couldn't fight any one of them off let alone three, I just wished, hoped, prayed to God that some kind of merical would happen and they would all just leave me alone!!!!

I decided to try one last attempt to get these sicko's away from me once and for all.

"If I can prove to you my boyfriends in that bar will you leave me alone?" I asked them seriously.

"Sure…if he is in there." The laughed…unbelieving of my little lies.

I walked into the bar, and they followed behind me. I scanned the room for someone who resembled Edward, anyone!!!!!

As I searched the room I only saw one blond…from behind he looked a little like Edward so I decided to approach him. As I got closer I realized who it was……oh god, god, god, god!!! Why'd it have to be him? Couldn't there have been someone else? I thought as I approached the guy...well at least I knew he was dumb enough to go along with this crazed lie.

**Authors note: WHO'S IN THE BAR? CAN YOU GUESS?!?!?!?!?!?!**


	13. Kissing and puking are a bad combination

**Authors note: sorry I haven't updated guys, I've been so busy…I saw New Moon on premiere night what about you guys? See it yet? I absolutely loved it, it couldn't have been better, everyone did a phenomenal job and it followed the original story line so well it was Awesome tell me what you guys think please ok cause I'd really love to hear from you anyway though here's another chappy (= **

**(Bella's POV) **

Every so slowly, I approached the person I never wanted to approach ever in my life to ask to be my boyfriend. I felt like the girl from Nick and Norah's infinite playlist. I mean what do you even say to someone in a situation like this? I guess I could use the line, 'hey you wanna be my boyfriend for five minutes?' like in the movie, but even that sounded dumb.

I didn't know what the hell I was going to say, but I was running out of time. As I stepped closer and closer to him I had to say something. Before I could even think of what to say the idiot turned around…shit, I was so screwed.

"Bella…what are you doing here?" Mike asked, with a surprised expression on his face.

"Oh, um…I'll explain later…could I ask you something?" I muttered, nervously as his eyes dropped to my towel…I inwardly wondered how insane I looked, standing in the middle of a bar, with a towel over my body, sticks, dirt, and leafs caked all over my legs, and huge stick marks going up my arm.

"So, what was that you wanted to ask me Bella?" Mike asked taking a sip of whatever the hell he was drinking. It was so weird to see him drink, I mean he wasn't even legally allowed in this place…then again neither was I.

"Um…I wanted….to….to ask you if you…could….um…..be my boyfriend for five minutes?" I asked as the other crazed men started to approach me.

"So, this is the guy who tried to run us over last year?" One of the men asked, looking over at Mike. I prayed to God that my plan would work….if it didn't I was going to be as dead as James.

Mike wasn't saying anything, so I had to step in. "Yeah…this is the guy…my boyfriend." I mumbled…almost puking at my words as I went over to do something I never thought I would find myself doing in my life.

I slowly leaned over to set my lips on the ones of Mike Newton…..ewe…. I caught him by surprise at first, but he was unfortunately quick to recover.

He started kissing me back and I had to pretend that I was liking it…when he stuck his tongue down my throat I swear I almost puked in his mouth. If that wasn't bad enough I could taste whatever it was he was drinking on his lips…if this lasted much longer I was sure to pass out.

Fortunately after almost a minute he desperately needed to breath and I took that chance to pull away, the guys seemed to be buying it so I guessed my plan was working, the only wish I had now was that Mike was already drunk enough he wouldn't remember any of this by the morning.

"Well…you've got your deal girl…but if this bastard tries to do anything stupid with his car again you can say goodbye." One of the drunk men said as they all wobbled over to the pool table.

"What the hell was that all about?" Mike asked when they were gone.

"Um….I'll explain to you later…can I have a ride?" I asked….wow this was ironic…the sober girl asking the drunk guy for a ride….

"Uh, sure." He answered as we walked outside and he tried to put his hand around my waist…I guess I had given him a slight smidgen of the wrong idea…that probably wasn't good. Uhhh this was turning into the longest day ever!!!!!

**Authors note: SO that was another chappy tell me if you guys saw new moon, what you thought, and what you thought of this chapter, love you all please, please review (= **


	14. Mike is a jerk face

**Authors note: Um……idk…..what should I say?!?!?! Ooh I know, so guys are you team Tay Jay or team Rob ward? Im so team Tay Jay I wrote it on my arm in permanent marker…which I didn't know when I did it, but now the freaking thing wont freaking come off!!!!! LOL im stupid……. **

**(Bella's POV) **

When I got into Mike's car I decided to tell him everything, Jacob, my cutting problem, even Charlie.

Before this conversation I found him to be a jerk, an annoyance, a horrid pain, but he really was surprisingly an awesome listener. Wait…did I just say Mike was a fantastic listener? Gosh, I must be going mad!!! I thought as I looked myself over….I was regretting not getting changed more and more every second.

"So….wait…are you dating this Jacob dude?" Mike asked.

"No…were just friends." I answered.

"Then why were you staying at his house?"

"Because….I didn't want to be alone." I answered...god he asked a lot of unnecessary questions.

"Well…you know, you could always stay with me." He said as he leaned closer to me. "You're a fantastic kisser by the way." He said, as he pulled over to the side of the road and shut off the car….. so much for him being a nice guy….I couldn't stay with him any longer…..we were on a freaking highway but I unlocked the car and got out…I was only a few minutes from the police station now anyway….I gave that bastards car a good kick and ran like the wind.

* * *

When I finally reached the police station I found out it was locked. I knew people were in there so I pounded on the hard medal door like life, and all sanity depended on it. I pounded until my clenched fists turned white from strain, and my fingers started to drip blood and turn purple with bruise.

"Please, let me in!!!! It's me Bella!!! Chief Swan's daughter!!!!" I yelled, though you could barely hear my raspy voice over the pitter patter of the heavy rain.

Eventually though, thank the good lord, the deputy opened the door. I could tell he was tired, though he became more awake as he looked me over.

"Are you alright? Did you get into a fight or something?" he asked me, looking at my bloodied hands.

"No, no, no…" I reassured him.

"Then what happened, why are you here?"

"I need to see someone…..is Jacob Black still in custody?" I asked, walking into the back room.

"Oh…the murderer?" he asked, following me.

"Murderer?" I stopped…he hadn't killed anyone…had he?"

"Yeah, murderer, we found blood all over his car."

"Blood?" I repeated…all of the sudden, pieces came together...I was the one who bled in his car…it was my fault he's in jail….everything was always my fault.

**Authors note: OMG what will happen…will Jake get out of jail? Will Mike get even more annoying? How is Charlie doing in the hospital? Find out…next chapter….**


	15. Jail bust time

**Authors note……………………………………………………………um idk I just use these things to fill up space…………anyways just read and review love you all (= I'm entering a contest for writing, ho thinks I might win? MEE!!!! Lol…not really there's so many awesome people out there I have no idea what will happen, I'll try though, I really will…wow, see how much space I just took up talking about unrelated stuff? Lol told you these things fill up the gap (=**

**(Bella's POV) **

I felt so saddened that my horrid decisions had some how effected so many loved ones. I wished I could somehow go back in time and tell myself what a dummy I was, or at least be able to fix my wrong doings. Though, since I knew this was unfortunately virtually impossible, I decided the best I could do was just apologize….so I did.

"Um…can I see Jake?" I asked the police officer as he sipped his coffee.

"Are you sure…he's dangerous." The man answered…..What the fuck? Jake wasn't dangerous, he couldn't hurt a fly.

"He's one to pick a fight." The man answered as he read the newspaper.

"Um…fight picker? You must have something wrong." I said as I went into the back room where the prisoners were kept…I never thought I'd be looking for my best friend in here.

*****************

"JACOB!!!!!!" I yelled when I saw him sitting on one of the metal benches next to some gigantic dude with a tattoo the size of my head.

"Bella…what are you doing here?" He asked, coming closer to me….as he came into view I noticed he had a purplish black ring around his left eye…he had a black eye? Did he get into a fight?

"Jake, are you ok? What happened to your eye?" I asked nervously, trying to touch him through the thick medal bars.

"Oh….I'm fine….it's nothing." He mumbled, trying to cover it with his hand.

"What happened? How'd you get in here?" I asked changing the subject.

He didn't speak…just muttered something about blood. Wait blood? My blood? Maybe I could fix this.

I left Jake and quickly ran back to the front desk. "Um…..excuse me, but Jake didn't kill anyone, I can explain the blood!!!" I half yelled.

"Oh...really?" He asked, not believing me.

"Yah…" and so not only did I tell Mike everything, but also the cop…luckily enough he believed my story, was able to follow back from hospital records, and my dearest friend was released from the toxic capsulation of prison.

******************

**(Later at Jake's house)**

"I'm so tired." Jake moaned, practically collapsing onto the couch.

"I'm so, so, sorry I got you into this mess." I sighed weakly, getting closer to him to get a closer look at his blackened eye.

"It's not your fault." He answered, his voice softly muffled by a throw pillow.

"Yes it is, it's my fault you ended up in jail, and it's my fault you have a black eye."

"Actually that one was my fault…" He sighed, rubbing it gently with his thumb.

"How did it happen?" I asked again, he seemed to be avoiding the subject.

"There are big people in jail Bells, big mean people." Was all he said before he started to drift off to sleep……..

*****************

The next morning I woke up to snoring like a chainsaw….that needed to be fixed…I wondered how his father could possibly deal with that…speaking of fathers, I wondered how mine was doing in the hospital……I should probably go visit him later.

"Uhhh", I moaned, stretching and looking up at the time…it was almost ten am…where had the time gone?

I usually never even slept half this late…I guess it had just been a long night. Remembering past events I looked down at myself…..I really needed another shower, I thought as I stumbled my way into Jake's bathroom.

*****************

When I got out almost twenty minutes later Jake was still sound asleep, spread over his too small couch. I thought it best to leave him alone….he looked way to cute and innocent to be disturbed anyway.

**(Jake's POV)**

I opened my eyes and was awoken to the smell of pancakes….what the hell happened last night? I thought, as I sleepily made my way into the kitchen.

"Hey look who's finally awake." Bella smiled…wait smiled? What the fuck did happen last night?

"You…cooked?" I asked, sitting down. As I did I felt a sharp pain in my stomach…everything of the earlier day was a complete blur, but when I felt the pain it all came flooding back. I lifted my tee shirt up to find a huge bruise on my middle….I had been beaten up, and in jail.

"What's wrong?" Bella asked, as she placed a few pancakes on the table.

"Um…nothing." I said, pulling my shirt back down, I didn't want to worry her.

"Jake, you got hurt, didn't you?" She asked as she tried to pull on my shirt, in order to see.

"I said it was nothing, can you just leave me alone, I've gotta get changed." I said hurrying into my room and shutting the door behind me.

**Authors note: Jake's outta jail, Bella's cooking again, and I brought my Taylor Lautner rolling stones magazine, you guys have to get one, it's Taylor, in the ocean, on a motorcycle, playing football…multi talented or what? **


	16. are you ok?

**Authors note: Ok you guys may have like read this already but I changed the end to make more snece so read again. **

**(Jacob's POV)**

"Jacob!!!!! Open this damn door right now!!!" Bella yelled, pounding a little too hardly….. I hesitated for a second of two to think….should I just tell her about my horrible prison experience or should I go on pretending nothing had happened?

Well she was probably going to find out either way so, the sooner the better right? "Jacob Black I know you can hear me, now open the door!!!" She yelled again….I did as she said….too bad she head planted into the wooden floor. I would have caught her, I really would have, but I was just too sore to even try.

"Are you ok?" I asked as she stumbled back to her feet.

"Yeah, I'm fine." She mumbled, rubbing her palm to her forehead. "I should be the one asking you that."

"You ask me?" I questioned. "You're the one who took a blow to the head."

"Uhhh Jacob!!!" She sighed.

"Uhhh Bella!!!" I copied.

"Jake, stop beating around the bush….I know your hurt, just let me help you." She answered.

"Hurt? I'm not hurt." I lied.

"Oh yeah, then if your not hurt then why wont you let me see?" She asked as she started to lift my shirt up. I backed away.

"I won't let you take my shirt off cause now were getting into sexual assault." I inwardly sighed at how stupid that sounded.

"Sexual assault? Seriously Jacob?" Bella laughed.

"Ahh yeah, if you want some of this then you've gotta pay."

"Pay? So what are you now? Some kind of male prostitute?" She asked…..Ok now I was just digging myself into a hole.

"No, ewe!!!"

"Then what are you trying to say?" She asked….i couldn't lie anymore.

"Ok, I'll tell you the truth, I got into a fight ok!!! Please just stop staring at me like that, it burns!!!"

"I knew you'd crack." She smiled…..I swear she must be like part demon or something.

"So….will you show me now?" She asked.

"……Fine." I answered reluctantly lifting up my shirt.

"Oh my god!!" She cried, looking at my bruised stomach. "Does it hurt?" She asked…um wasn't that kind of an obvious one?

"Uhhh yes…." I sighed…. "Please stop poking me."

"Oh…sorry." She blushed, backing away. If I wasn't in so much pain I would have smiled at how cute she looked right now. "Is there anything you want me to do?" She asked….looking pretty worried.

"Not really, I think I'm just going lay down moaning in pain." I said sitting down on my bed.

"You want company?" She asked, coming over to sit with me.

"That depends…..are you going to start poking me?" I asked….I had to make sure…I couldn't take that kind of pain right now.

"Of course not…."

"Good."

*******************

**(Later that day Bella's POV) **

"Jake."

"What?" He asked half asleep."

"Um….I know your kind of like in pain right now but do you mind if I leave you alone for a while to go see Charlie?" I asked.

"No, but I can get up Bella I'm not dying." Jake answered, standing up.

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah." He answered as he lifted his shirt to look at his cuts. They were almost completely healed.

"Um…how did that happen?" I asked, very confused.

"I don't know…fast healer?"

Authors note


	17. Death?

**Authors note: ****PLEASE READ**** ok so I feel the need to clarify, yesterday night I wrote a chapter. A few people read it and told me it didn't make any sense. I went back, looked it over, and found that it really was random. I went back deleted the end then changed it which is why the last chapter was entitled, "Chapter 16 redone" so this is the ****first and only**** chapter 17 right now and if you read chapter 16 yesterday and it did not say ****chapter 16 redone****, if you read the one that said ****confessions and kidnappers**** then your gonna be confused so go back and read the new ending before you read this thank you and enjoy chapter 17……….. **

(Bella's POV)

We got to the hospital nearly an hour after our departure (When they took Jake to jail they towed away his car and we had to walk down to my house to get the truck) Jake left to go to the bathroom and I approached the front desk to ask which room my father was staying in.

"Front desk how may I be of service to you?" The woman asked, in a bored voice as she took out one ear bud, you could really tell she despised her job position. I couldn't blame her though, I'd hate have to tell annoying people where to go and what to do day in and day out.

"Um…..I was wondering if you could tell me which room my father is staying in." I said looking down at her iPod, I could see the song she was playing was entitled, "I hate my life" it suit this moment well.

"What's the name of the patient you're looking for?" She asked as she took out a clipboard.

"Um…Charlie Sw-" I started to say….the woman stopped me.

"I don't know how to tell you this….but Charlie passed away last night." She answered.

I stood frozen for what felt like hours but was probably minutes. My father couldn't have passed away….it just wasn't a possibility. He was doing so well yesterday…how could he be gone?

"Is there anything else you need?" The woman asked as she started to put her ear buds back in. I was completely appalled but how unfazed this woman seemed, she had just told me my father had died and it was like the words didn't even matter to her. Like he was just another death in a newspaper, a death you pass by without even bothering to read or care about when your too busy rummaging the paper for the movie theater adds.

I guessed death didn't really matter until it was close to home. Home, Charlie, uhhh, I couldn't think right now!!! I had to get out had to leave!!!!!!!!

**(Jacob's POV) **

I saw Bella running out of the hospital doors crying as I came out of the men's restroom…Uhhh what the hell could possibly be going on now? I swear there was never a dull moment with this girl.

I figured I had two choices here, 1 run after her or 2 ask the lady at the front desk what she said to tick her off…if I went with the second one then when I met up with Bella at least I'd have some background information.

"Excuse me…but could you tell me why she left crying?" I asked pointing at the door.

"WHAT?!?! I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE MUSIC!!!!" The lady yelled….music? What music? I thought confused…then I noticed she had her iPod in. Instead of ripping it out of her annoying ears like I wished I could do, I decided to yell.

"I SAID, WHY DID THAT GIRL RUN AWAY SCREAMING?!?!?!?!"

"WHAT SCREAMING? OH HER FATHER PASSED AWAY!!!" She yelled as she finally took the damn ear buds out.

"What? Her father….passed….away?" I asked. "Are you sure Charlie passed away?" I asked.

"Charlie Swam?" She asked.

"No…Charlie Swan."

"Oh Charlie Swan…he's in room 119, Charlie Swam died of heart failure last night." She answered.

"Wait? Let me get this strait, you told that girl that her father was dead when he wasn't? How could you do that, she's suicidal!!!" I yelled almost bitch slapping that lady in the face.

"Whatever, I made a mistake, people make mistakes." She sighed. I wasn't really listening though, just thinking about what Bella could possibly be doing right now.

**Authors note: Hospital workers are suckish……**


	18. Something to live for

**Authors note: Um ok well I kind of don't know where I'm going with this but I sort of have an idea….so this may be the turning point of the story…if you don't like how it turns out tell me…cause it may get random. **

**(Jacob's POV)**

I ran outside but saw Bella no where…I didn't know where she could be, but she had only been away from me for ten minutes…she couldn't have gotten that far.

"Bella!!!!" I yelled…..no answer. "Bella your father's alive, the hospital made a mistake!!!!!! Bella!!!!"

With each scream I felt her getting further and further away….she gave me no answer so I thought on my feet. I had told her to live for her father, she thought her father was dead. If he was the only thing she was living for then she must have been out to kill herself…..where was the closest and fastest way to die from where we were?

Well I guessed there were a couple of ways…I mean you could just walk out into the street and get hit by a car…that was a possibility but then again there were few cars around…if you wanted to get hit you'd go on a busy street…this form of death wouldn't be fast enough. I knew she had no knife on her or the alarm at the hospital would have sounded when we walked in, all forms of metal were out.

As I walked further and further I realized where I was headed….I saw a brown hair figure moving towards the cliffs…..she wouldn't jump…would she?

"Bella!!! Bella stop!!!" I saw her quicken her pace as she heard me get closer…she was going to jump and I didn't know if I'd make it in time.

As I thought of Bella gone I realized something I hadn't quite realized before…..if she died I'd miss her….I'd miss her a lot. I'd been friends with her since we were small children and she was more then just a friend, more then just a best friend, I knew now what I had been trying so desperately to hide before….I loved her…I really, really loved her.

I had to catch up with her, had to make it to the cliff before she did, I couldn't let the girl I loved die. I mean sure she was a little stubborn and crazy but no ones really normal and she couldn't die over something so stupid, something that wasn't even true.

"Bells, the hospital made a mistake!!! Charlie Swam died not Charlie Swan!!!" I yelled…she slowed her pace for a second and turned to me.

"Yeah right, your just saying that so I wont go through with killing myself!!!" She yelled back as she started running again…god, when she wanted to run without falling she really could do it.

I thought for a second and looked over at the cliff again, we were now less then a hundred feet away….I only had a minute to convince her before she made it over to that cliff or it was over.

She wouldn't believe me about Charlie in that little of time so I had to tell her something else…..something she might go with.

"Bella wait, you can't kill yourself." I said.

"Oh yeah…why not, Charlie was the only one I was living for anyway and now he's gone, there's nothing left to live for….no one left."

"Yes there is Bella!!!!" I yelled.

"What? What's left?" She asked.

"Not what…who." I answered.

"Well then who….the love of my life is never coming back and now neither is my father!!" She cried.

"You, you can live for everyone else who cares for you." I stalled.

"Who else cares?" He asked.

"Well what about Renee?"

"She doesn't love me, she had Phil."

"You know that's not true Bella, your mom will always love you."

"Well if she's all I have to live for then I might as well die….she's not even around." She sighed.

"What about me? Live for me Bella I love you!!!" I yelled, I could feel tears fill my eyes…yeah real manly.

"Your just saying that, your life would be way better off without me, I;m just a pain." She lied to herself.

"No your not Bells, I really do love you." I said as I finally caught up to her and grabbed her by the wrists.

"You don't really love me Jake, now just let me go so I can get this over with." She struggled to break free of my grip.

"Oh yeah….well if I can prove to you that I do love you will you stop?" I asked.

"I guess….but I don't see how you could do th-" Before she could finish I pressed my lips to hers and started kissing her.

"Does that prove anything?" I asked.

"That was just a sympathy kiss." She sighed again, edging closer to her death.

Since she didn't believe me I pulled her closer and kissed her again, so long it left her gasping for air.

"If that doesn't prove anything I don't know what does." I smirked as she kissed me this time….guess she did believe me after all.

"I guess I could live." She answered.

"Good, now come on let's get back to the hospital, we can go get that lady fired I said.

"I'd rather just have you punch her in the face."

"And get arrested again, I don't think so." I laughed, I thought nothing could ruin this moment….until Quil came running up to us.

"Who's this?" He asked.

"None of your business, now what do you want?" I asked, hoping he would just go away. "It's about your dad, Sam found a wheelchair in the woods but no Billy, he wants you over there right away." He answered……well there goes my moment….

**Authors note: Like it? Hate it? Tell me please review love you all (= **


	19. explaination time

**Authors note: for all of you who thought the ending was random here's what I have to say, we have to find Billy sometime don't we? He's kinda been missing for a while which is totally why were getting into what we are….now on another note this was kinda just going to be a AH (all human story) except for like Edward and the Cullen's being vamps cause I didn't really know if I like wanted to put wolfs in it cause I feel like when Jake's a wolf he's not all like happy sunshiny, you know what I mean? But what I'm trying to get at and now that I look back am kind of rambling on about is that I may put wolfs in here…don't worry though cause if I do it will totally not be at a random moment, it will make sense….anyway I'm just gonna get on with this now so yeah…….. **

(Jacob's POV)

Uhhh, I inwardly groaned. I could not believe I was walking in the woods with Sam. Sam of all people. I mean he was just so…I don't know….just like mysteriously creepy. The way he walked, the way he'd stare at me, it was all just so weird.

I guess it wouldn't have been so horrible of I actually got to know the guy, but I'd never bothered to talk to him in my life.

It was awkwardly silent as we walked down the dirt path, and to make things worse every time I turned my head I could see him staring at me from the corner of my eye….like he was waiting for me to do something.

"So uhhh….how far are we going?" I asked, kicking a rock.

"A few more miles….not too far." He answered….miles? Seriously? How was he not getting tired? And why the fuck was he still staring at me?

"Um….waiting for something?" I asked.

"What do you mean?"

"Nothing….it's just…you keep staring at me…should I be prepared for something to happen?" I asked.

"I was hopping it would happen already." He sighed….hoping what would happen already?

"Huh?" I asked.

"I can't say…you'll find out soon enough." He answered. I was now in utter confusion…it was like the more he said the less I knew. I kind of wished whatever he was talking about would just happen already so I wouldn't be so out of the loop.

**(Bella's POV)**

I got back to the hospital, walking to the room my father was hopefully in, sneering at the woman at the front desk as I went.

When I got into the hospital room I thankfully saw Charlie still alive sitting in his bed fiddling with the remote.

"Hey." I whispered coming behind him. I saw him jump a little, guess I almost gave him a heart attack….again.

"Hey." He sighed putting the remote down.

"You feeling better?" I asked awkwardly…Charlie and I weren't big talkers.

"Yeah…better then yesterday." He answered, turning on ESPN as grabbed a chair.

"So…..your doing goo right?" He asked.

"Yeah…much better." I said, looking down at the floor which by the way looked disgusting….once Carlisle left they really started letting this place go.

"So….what have you been doing?" He asked. "I haven't seen you for a while."

"Dad, it's been two days." I answered.

"That's two lonely days with no hospital visitors."

"Well you can't blame me for that one….they wouldn't let me in the first day and the lady at the front desk told me you had passed on this morning."

"Passed on? Damn this place has gone down hill since _they_ left." He sighed….watching his tongue.

"Dad you can say Carlisle, I'm not going to freak out or anything." I answered. Hearing me Say the name of one of the Cullen's seemed to freak my dad out more then myself…did he not believe that a person could get better?

"Ok…are you sure you're alright? You just said the name of one of them without hyperventilating or crying or anything!!!" He said, almost getting out of the bed.

"Yeah I'm fine…better then fine, and you, you need to stay in that bed." I said pointing to the alarm. "If you don't that thing will go off."

"Oh I think something else is going off…in your head, what the hell is wrong with you two days ago any reference of them would drive you mad, now your saying there names and your inside a hospital, I wouldn't even think you'd come in here by yourself without someone forcing you, where have you been these past few days….extreme rehab?"

"No….I've just been happier…is it so wrong for me to be happy?" I asked.

"No, no, of course not, I love to see you happy it's just….just…." He paused for a second to think and then all of the sudden it was like a light bulb went off and he got it. "Jacob." He answered.

"What about him?" I asked….pretending I knew nothing.

"You've been spending time with him haven't you?"

"Maybe a little." I answered, trying to hide the smile from my face…..I hadn't been happy in so long it was weird to even feel myself smile, like my mouth had forgotten how.

He just shock his head…..not believing my happiness I guess…or not believing in the powers of Jacob. Either way he was wrong.

**(Jake's POV)**

When we finally reached where this supposed wheel chair was…almost 10 miles from our starting point Sam decided it was time to tell me something.

"Listen…..Jacob….um...I don't really know how to tell you this so I'm just going to come out with it….." What the fuck was he trying to say? And why was he pacing like crazy? I thought as I watched him…whatever he wanted to tell me he was nervous to say it. "We….we think that your father may have been taken by a vampire." He said…what?

"Um Sam….are you insane? There are no such things as vampires…next you'll tell me there's werewolves or something."

"Well…about that…"

"Oh god…..I don't want to know do I?"

"Probably not….but you're eventually going to change so I might as well tell you now." He said.

"Change….into what?"

"Do you know nothing?" Sam sighed as he started to tell me some old legend.

* * *

An hour after his explanation I was still as confused as I was in the beginning. "Wait….so you're telling me that a vampire is mad at me so he took my father away for revenge and I'm going to turn into a wolf?" I asked.

"Yeah…pretty much….but don't worry they wont eat him…we think it's one of the Cullen's." He answered.

"Wait…the Cullen's are vampires….I thought that was just a myth."

"…No…it's as true as I'm a wolf."

"You're a wolf?"

"Were you not listening to the whole explanation I just went through?" He asked.

"No…I was…it's just hard to get it to all sink in, why the hell would a vampire even want my father? What did I do to piss them off?" I asked.

"We think he's looking for a trade…..you did take his girlfriend after all."

"Wait…it's him….what's he doing back?"

"Looking for Bella I guess." He answered. No way, he was so not taking her back now. He ruined her, she almost killed herself because of him….she wouldn't take him back…would she?

"So….what do you want me to do about all this?" I asked.

"Well…there's not much you can do…..it doesn't look like your going to change anytime soon….Just stay with Bella….if you see anything tell us….oh and one more thing."

"What?"

"You can't tell anyone what I've told you…and be very carful not get too close to her….you can change at any second….one wrong move and she'll die."

Great…so now I couldn't talk to her about any of this and if I got close to her I could kill her….what kind of relationship is this going to be?

**Authors note: Ok so before you guys say that was random or whatever think, don't you think 1 Billy had to be found and two Edward had to eventually come back to cause conflict? Even if not I kinda did so um….please review…Oh lets make a theme!!!! Everyone guess what's gonna happen next!!!!! That sounds like a good idea for a review…idk though either that or tell me if your confused or get my point. Love you all have an awesome day (= **


	20. Is it love or just pitty?

**Authors note: A new day a new chapter…..well actually I really don't feel like writing right now but I'm gonna cause im bored and I'm too lazy to flat iron my hair and it looks like a puffy mess right now so I don't want to go out in public so yeah…I'm gonna spend my time productively……or at least kind of semi productively…anyways here we go (=**

**(Bella's POV)**

When the nurse came in to cheek on Charlie I found it to be a good opportunity to head out. If I went home now then I'd probably get to see Jake soon, it was hard to stay away from him for too long, he was quite addicting.

I headed down the elevator, through the lobby, past the bitchy lady, and into the parking lot. Maybe if I drove slow by the time I got back Jake would be there.

I wanted to drive slow anyway, too make the short trip back from the hospital as long as possible, I really needed time to think…I mean did I actually love Jake? Could I love him? Did I have the power in the depths of my heart to love again? Did he even love me or was he pretending just to in some crazed sympathetic attempt to save my life.

It couldn't be could it? I mean that kiss…..it was sooo real, so long, so warm, so good….it was as if I could still taste him on my lips as if he had left a mark on my soul.

Something that amazing couldn't have been faked….no it just couldn't no matter how good an actor you were, something so good had to come from the overwhelming love in a persons heart….it just had to!!!

No matter what I told myself I still wasn't sure, the only way I could be sure was for it to happen again….I had to get him to kiss me again, but how? I thought as I took out my cell phone and slowly dialed his number.

"Hello?" He asked.

"Hey…it's me." I answered.

"Oh…hey." He sighed….he sounded worried about something…..i wondered what it was…could it be the regret of kissing me?

"Are you….worried about something?" I asked.

"Worried? Im not worried, I'm fine, why would you think I was worried?" He asked in a tone that made him sound even more paranoid.

"No reason….your voice just sounds…strange." I answered.

"Oh….so are you staying out of life or death situations?" He asked, changing the subject…whatever it was he didn't want to talk about it.

"Yeah…I'm good, I went to go visit Charlie and now im just driving home." I answered. "Are you coming back soon?" I asked. "You can come over my place I'll make you some dinner." I answered….it was the least I could do for the guy who saved my life.

"Food? Sounds good, I'll be over in a few." He answered as he hung up the phone….no goodbye? He must be paranoid.

*************

After a couple of minutes of being home I heard a knock on the door, looking out the kitchen window I saw Jake….good, now I'd be able to test my theory.

"Hey", I answered the door…trying to sound casual.

"Hey" He answered back….when he walked in it was as if he was only half there. I had to figure out what was up or it would drive me mad.

"Jake….I know something's wrong….just tell me…maybe I can help." I said coming closer to him. He wasn't answering. "Is it about Billy?" I asked.

"A little." He sighed, taking a seat on the couch.

"Oh my god, is he ok?" I asked sitting next to him with true concern on my face.

"Yeah…i guess…I don't know…Sam told me some stuff." He said.

"What did he say?" I asked.

"….I'd rather not talk about it." He said looking down….I figured it best not to bother him any further.

"Oh…well if your sad…I can cheer you up." I said coming closer, running my hands through his hair about to kiss him….at the last second he pulled away….maybe he didn't love me after all.

***********

**(Jake's POV) **

Bella had come over to me and tried to kiss me but I had turned her down…I didn't want to….in fact I'd love to be able to kiss her right now…get my mind off things….it's just every time I got near her I thought of hat Sam had said…I didn't want to suddenly turn into a wolf and kill her….having her just wasn't worth losing her….but not having her would mean I would lose her…it was all just so confusing.

"Oh…so it's like that huh? You never loved me did you? You just said that so I wouldn't kill myself, you're such a jerk!!!" She screamed storming out of the room…of course I followed her.

"Bella you don't understand….I love you…it's just….just…..i wish I could tell you what it is but I can't!!!!" I yelled.

"What the hell do you mean?" She asked with those sad puppy dog eyes….completely un understanding my circumstances.

"I don't want to hurt you Bella." I sighed.

"Uhhh!!!! You sound just like him!!!" She yelled at me.

"Im not a filthy blood sucker Bella!!" I yelled.

"Blood sucker? Wait…you know?" She asked.

"I know now…after all he's the reason I'm becoming what I am!!!!"

"And what would that be?"

"I can't tell you…I want to...but I can't."

**Authors note: Another chapter done…I'm kinda tired now…have a nice night everyone (= please review (=**


	21. Drugs

**Authors note: Have you guys ever seen the movie 13 with Nikki Reed? I can't believe she could write something like that at such a young age…I also can't believe it was based on her life!!! That's just crazy!!! Anyway though the movie inspired me to write another chapter and if you haven't seen it and have no idea what it is go watch it on YouTube, it's one of those amazingly crazy movies that you can't turn away from once you start watching no matter how insane it gets. **

**(Bella's POV)**

After Jacob said what he said he left and I was all alone. Me being alone was never, ever a good thing. I didn't know what to do without anyone around….I worried if I was left alone for too long I'd slowly ease back into my depression.

I couldn't believe Jake had just left me here, I mean he was my one and only friend, he knew my condition, didn't he know I'd do something stupid? Maybe he just didn't care anymore, I mean he'd try to help me and all I'd do is get him into more and more trouble….in the end you couldn't blame him for running out on me, I was a complete wreck!!!!!

I didn't know what I could do without him though, he was the glue holding my shattered body together. This totally sucked!!!!! The only thing I could possible think of logically doing was going for a walk to run off some steam. I slowly pulled on a sweatshirt, some shoes, and went outside.

I walked slowly, street by street, block by block…..no matter how far the distance the pain of having no one did not subside. I walked and walked until my feet hurt, hell probably bleed, I walked until I heard a voice.

"Bella?" Someone yelled….I froze…who could that have been? Slowly I turned to see that it was….Angela? What was she doing on the street corner.

"Hey Bella, I haven't seen you forever!!" She said hugging me….I missed Angela…she had always been so nice…I wondered how she was doing stuck alone with Jess day in and day out…..all I know is it must really suck. As I looked her over she seemed different….not a good different.

"What are you doing over here?" She asked as she took out a cigarette…ok since when did she smoke?

"I think I should be the one asking you that." I answered.

"Oh, me? I'm just chilling with my crew." She answered, pointing to the others on the street corner, they looked sort of like druggies….was life with Jess really that bad that she had to turn to this? What the fuck had been going on while I was gone?

I didn't want to ask so I changed the subject. "So…..how's Ben?" I asked her.

"Oh…Ben…he left…" She answered….oh my god, was she saying he died?

"I'm so sorry." I answered.

"He's not dead, he moved away." She answered laughing…I didn't understand how this was funny. Ben was like Angela's other half, the only thing holding her together…is this why she had turned to drugs?

"Well how are you doing with out him?" I asked.

"At first…it wasn't good….I mean he was like my only friend besides you, and you were gone, I didn't know how I could keep the pain away." She answered sadly.

"Oh…..so that's why you have these?" I asked, pointing to her stash.

"There good pain relievers…want a hit?" She asked me.

Any normally sane person would have walked away long ago, would have said no….I on the other hand was willing to try anything to stop feeling the horrible pain of my fractured heart.

"Sure." I answered.

* * *

(Jake's POV)

My head was in such a fog, I knew I was being stupid but I couldn't help it. It was probably one of the worst idea's I've ever had to leave Bella alone but what the hell was I supposed to do? I couldn't be with her and I couldn't be without her without her getting hurt.

I needed time to think about what I could do so I went for a short drive….I was just about to go back and see Bella when I caught glimpse of a small, brunette smoking pot on the side of the road with a bunch of druggies. Was that, it couldn't be, could it? I thought as I veered closer to the sight.

Shit, shit, shit, it was!!!! I muttered in my head as I realized who the girl was. Damn girl, I couldn't leave her alone for more then twenty minutes without her doing something insane.

"Bella what are you doing?" I yelled out the window as she got closer.

"Oh Jakey hey I'm just hanging out, you want some?" She asked, giggling.

"No." I sighed as I got out of the car. This was all my fault and Charlie was going to kill me!!! At this point I didn't even care if I hurt her or not, I needed to get her safely back home.

"Your coming with me." I answered picking her up.

"Where are we going?" She asked. "Is it candy mountain? Please let it be candy mountain!!!!" She yelled.

"Uh...no…I'm taking you home." I answered.

"Oh so we can go do it?" She asked.

"No….how much of that stuff did you take? Your dad is going to murder me!!" I sighed as we drove.

"Not many, only like a million." She giggled.

*******************

When we got into the driveway I saw none other then the police curser parked in it's usual spot. Shit, shit, shit!! Charlie was back from the hospital and Bella was insanely drunk and high…..I couldn't just drop her off like this!!!!

**Authors note: Ok this was very, very occ but oh well….please still review anyway oh tell me if you ever saw the movie I was talking about if you have no idea what im talking about now then go read the first authors note please and thanks love you all bye bye (=**


	22. helping people sucks

**Authors note: no one even reads these things so idk why I keep writing them but if you are reading this cause idk you're crazy or bored or something then I have a question for you did you see Taylor Lautner on SNL? If so what did you think? Tell me in your reviews, ok? Ok!!!! Love you all bye, bye (=**

(Jacob's POV)

I wasn't really sure what to do with Bella, if I left her in the car god knows what she'd do…probably slam it into a tree or something…if I brought her inside god knows what Charlie'd do to me…though he did just get out of the hospital so he wouldn't really be able to smack me or anything….though he was a cop…he did have a gun.

While I was thinking this one over Bella decided to get out of the car and go outside. "Bella what are you doing? Get back here!!" I yelled…following her as she stumbled her way back into the house.

"Hey Daddy!!!" She waved and giggled.

"Hey Bells….you look happy." He smiled at me…I guess he had yet to grasp what was going on.

"Yeah…she does." I mumbled, wondering how long this could go on.

"So Jake…what have you two been up to?" He asked.

Bella started to open her mouth….oh god this is not going to be good, I thought thinking of the possible things a drunk and high girl could say.

"I was- she started, I was quick to cup my hand over my mouth.

"Jake what are you doing?" Charlie asked in confusion.

"Um…nothing." I replied.

"Then why is your hand over my daughter's mouth?" He asked. "Did you two do something you don't want me to know about?" he questioned….this was just getting worse and worse.

"No….well I didn't do anything…"

"What are you saying then?" He asked.

"Um……well I left Bella alone and….she got into some stuff." I answered.

"What kind of stuff?"

"Um Bella….would you like to answer that one?" I asked.

"Sure." She giggled. "Me and Angle- Angley- Angie- Angjula- whatever her name is were on the street corner with her peeps and…we got into some stuff." She giggled again, I guess thinking back.

"Um Jacob…is she high?" He asked me seriously.

"Possibly…probably….yeah." I finally answered. "I didn't know though, I was driving around and I saw her and brought her back here." I answered truthfully.

He just sighed…sinking down into the couch. "Jake…I'm in no condition right now to take care of her right now." He answered…I understood…after all he did just get out of the hospital. "Would you mind…taking her for a while, I know your probably busy….but I don't know what else to do, I'll pay you." He answered.

"Of course….sure I'll take her." I answered…only half heartedly…I was hoping to be rid of her for a while…it looked like no hopes of that was to come any time soon. "Is there anything you want me to do for you?" I asked…..it would look bad not too.

"No, I'm fine…just a little hungry is all." He implied….i guess he wanted food.

"DO you want dinner?" I asked.

"….well if you don't mind." He answered….crap!!! I had no idea how to microwave popcorn let alone cook….maybe Bella could actually do something.

"Bella can you cook?" I asked her.

"Cook? As in cookie? I want a cookie where are the cookies?" She asked.

"Not cookie….uhhh never mind, I'll just order pizza." I answered as I got the phone…taking care of people totally sucked.


	23. a different kind of kissing

**Authors note: guys this totally sucks but I have to say it…..I'm kind of failing Spanish so I might not be able to update very often at all anymore, my parents are sooo pissed, im surprised im even being allowed to write this now )=**

**(Bella's POV) **

I woke up in a blur…I wasn't sure what the hell had happened yesterday, and I couldn't really even remember. All I knew was that I had the worst migraine ever….

I slowly peered my head up to look around and see where I was…Jacob's house again? What was I doing here?

I tried to think back to what lead me here, but I couldn't, my mind was in one huge, very painful, fog.

"Jake?" I called, the tone of my own voice was making my head pound more.

"Hey." He yawned, coming into the room with backpack in hand. I looked at the clock….six thirty….damn it was early.

"What happened?" I asked in almost a whisper.

"Bells, why are you talking like that?" He asked back….way too loudly.

"Jacob….please talk quietly…head pounding." I muttered.

"Well that ones your own fault." He laughed in a whisper, as he pulled a few hairs behind my head.

"Huh?" I asked, not seeing what he was getting at.

"You seriously don't remember?" He smiled, sitting beside me. I don't understand why he thought whatever it was, was so funny.

"Bells, you were high and drunk yesterday, I brought you back home and you were acting like a nut job."

"No, I wasn't."

"Yes you were." He answered again.

"Seriously?" I asked…really not believing this.

"Yes, seriously." He sighed, as he looked over at the clock. "Bells I have to leave in like ten minutes."

Ten minutes…where was he going? "Where are you going?" I asked, like a sad little puppy, desperate to stay with her owner.

"School, it's Monday." Was the only answer he gave before he got up, leaving me alone.

"Do you have to go to school?" I asked him, sadly.

"Yes Bella." He answered, picking the backpack up off the floor. "Do you want me to drop you off with your Dad?" He asked.

"At the hospital? I don't think so." I answered.

"Um Bells, your Dad is at home." He answered, not in a happy tone, oh shit!!!! Did he know I was high yesterday too?

With out me even having to ask Jake knew what I wanted to know. He nodded his head to tell me yes, and I sunk into the couch.

"It would probably be a good idea to show him you're ok." He said. "You probably don't want to be alone all day anyway, and neither does he." Jake said as he got the keys to the car.

"Fine" I sighed, as I slowly got up.

* * *

**(Jake's POV) **

"Well, here we are." I muttered, stopping the car for Bella to get out, but she didn't move. "What's wrong?" I asked, after a couple of seconds.

"Jacob do you really love me?" She sighed.

"Well let's see, I took you to the hospital, I helped your father, I stopped you from killing yourself, I took you in when you needed my help, I looked after you, I went to jail for you, and I spent the last of my money to get you pizza yesterday, no I hate you." I laughed.

"Well….yah I guess…but that's just caring….you still wouldn't kiss me." She answered.

"Bells, I wouldn't kiss you yesterday cause you smelled like pot, that doesn't mean I don't love you."

"Not then!!" She yelled, probably hurting her own head more then mine. "What about Saturday, when you said you loved me and then you just left?" She asked.

"That was different, I didn't want to hurt you Bella." I sighed, thinking back to early Saturday morning, Sam, the wolfs, and the filthy blood sucker.

I didn't want to think about any of that stuff though, I just wanted to blur it out of my mind, at least for a while…but I wasn't sure how.

"Well what about now?" Bella asked, un hocking her seatbelt and inching closer to me.

I knew what she wanted, but I didn't want to kill her in the process…..again kissing her would probably be a way to blur all of the other crap out of my head, at least for a couple of minutes.

"Fine." I sighed, pressing my lips to hers as she came on top of me. Her lips were so soft and I loved her so much, even if she was a crazy nut sometimes, that could be changed….well hopefully anyway.

I opened my mouth to let out my tongue as I playfully rubbed it against her bottom lip, begging for entrance.

She accepted, pressing her body closer to mine as our tongues danced, I bet this was something she couldn't do with her filthy blood sucking friend.

Some seconds later it occurred to me that I was going to be late for school, but I didn't really care, there was one thing I could say though, I needed a bigger car.

She broke away from me soon though, gasping for air and I did the same. "Jake…your…gonna….be….late." She said through breaths.

"Yeah…I know." I sighed as she started to get out of the car…I inwardly wondered if Charlie would be suspicious…though it had only been around three minutes….but still, how long does it take someone to get out of a car? Not that long.

**Authors note: Again, I'm not really sure how often I'll be able to update anymore, if you want reasons go read the first authors not at the top, tell me what you think, love you all and bye, bye (= **


	24. jake needs a bigger car

**Authors note: guys this totally sucks but I have to say it…..I'm kind of failing Spanish so I might not be able to update very often at all anymore, my parents are sooo pissed, im surprised im even being allowed to write this now )=**

**(Bella's POV) **

I woke up in a blur…I wasn't sure what the hell had happened yesterday, and I couldn't really even remember. All I knew was that I had the worst migraine ever….

I slowly peered my head up to look around and see where I was…Jacob's house again? What was I doing here?

I tried to think back to what lead me here, but I couldn't, my mind was in one huge, very painful, fog.

"Jake?" I called, the tone of my own voice was making my head pound more.

"Hey." He yawned, coming into the room with backpack in hand. I looked at the clock….six thirty….damn it was early.

"What happened?" I asked in almost a whisper.

"Bells, why are you talking like that?" He asked back….way too loudly.

"Jacob….please talk quietly…head pounding." I muttered.

"Well that ones your own fault." He laughed in a whisper, as he pulled a few hairs behind my head.

"Huh?" I asked, not seeing what he was getting at.

"You seriously don't remember?" He smiled, sitting beside me. I don't understand why he thought whatever it was, was so funny.

"Bells, you were high and drunk yesterday, I brought you back home and you were acting like a nut job."

"No, I wasn't."

"Yes you were." He answered again.

"Seriously?" I asked…really not believing this.

"Yes, seriously." He sighed, as he looked over at the clock. "Bells I have to leave in like ten minutes."

Ten minutes…where was he going? "Where are you going?" I asked, like a sad little puppy, desperate to stay with her owner.

"School, it's Monday." Was the only answer he gave before he got up, leaving me alone.

"Do you have to go to school?" I asked him, sadly.

"Yes Bella." He answered, picking the backpack up off the floor. "Do you want me to drop you off with your Dad?" He asked.

"At the hospital? I don't think so." I answered.

"Um Bells, your Dad is at home." He answered, not in a happy tone, oh shit!!!! Did he know I was high yesterday too?

With out me even having to ask Jake knew what I wanted to know. He nodded his head to tell me yes, and I sunk into the couch.

"It would probably be a good idea to show him you're ok." He said. "You probably don't want to be alone all day anyway, and neither does he." Jake said as he got the keys to the car.

"Fine" I sighed, as I slowly got up.

* * *

**(Jake's POV) **

"Well, here we are." I muttered, stopping the car for Bella to get out, but she didn't move. "What's wrong?" I asked, after a couple of seconds.

"Jacob do you really love me?" She sighed.

"Well let's see, I took you to the hospital, I helped your father, I stopped you from killing yourself, I took you in when you needed my help, I looked after you, I went to jail for you, and I spent the last of my money to get you pizza yesterday, no I hate you." I laughed.

"Well….yah I guess…but that's just caring….you still wouldn't kiss me." She answered.

"Bells, I wouldn't kiss you yesterday cause you smelled like pot, that doesn't mean I don't love you."

"Not then!!" She yelled, probably hurting her own head more then mine. "What about Saturday, when you said you loved me and then you just left?" She asked.

"That was different, I didn't want to hurt you Bella." I sighed, thinking back to early Saturday morning, Sam, the wolfs, and the filthy blood sucker.

I didn't want to think about any of that stuff though, I just wanted to blur it out of my mind, at least for a while…but I wasn't sure how.

"Well what about now?" Bella asked, un hocking her seatbelt and inching closer to me.

I knew what she wanted, but I didn't want to kill her in the process…..again kissing her would probably be a way to blur all of the other crap out of my head, at least for a couple of minutes.

"Fine." I sighed, pressing my lips to hers as she came on top of me. Her lips were so soft and I loved her so much, even if she was a crazy nut sometimes, that could be changed….well hopefully anyway.

I opened my mouth to let out my tongue as I playfully rubbed it against her bottom lip, begging for entrance.

She accepted, pressing her body closer to mine as our tongues danced, I bet this was something she couldn't do with her filthy blood sucking friend.

Some seconds later it occurred to me that I was going to be late for school, but I didn't really care, there was one thing I could say though, I needed a bigger car.

She broke away from me soon though, gasping for air and I did the same. "Jake…your…gonna….be….late." She said through breaths.

"Yeah…I know." I sighed as she started to get out of the car…I inwardly wondered if Charlie would be suspicious…though it had only been around three minutes….but still, how long does it take someone to get out of a car? Not that long.

**Authors note: Again, I'm not really sure how often I'll be able to update anymore, if you want reasons go read the first authors not at the top, tell me what you think, love you all and bye, bye (= **


	25. IMPORTANT PLEASE READ!

**REALLLLLLLLYYYYYYYYYYY IIIIIMPORTANTTTTTTT!!!!!!! Please read!!!!!!!!**

**Authors note: URLS on here suck but I uploaded 2 chapters yesterday and NO ONE got the url alert so go back 1 chappy and read please everyone it's really important to the story (+ thanks (=**


	26. so many questions

**Authors note: Im no longer failing Spanish….well I sort of am but I've been doing shitloads of extra credit work so yeah im back on the computer now (=**

**(Bella's POV) **

I slowly walked into the house, gently closing the door; silently praying that my father hadn't seen me.

"Bella...is that you?" Charlie asked.

"Yeah dad, it's me." I answered, following the sound of his voice into the living room. My stomach started to unsettle as I looked at his face….he was giving me a very strange look…it was as if he could see right through me….as if he could read my mind.

"Um…is something wrong?" I asked…trying to change the subject.

"No…I'm fine…what about you?" he asked.

"Oh me? I'm good…just a little migraine is all." I sighed, starting to remember my headache, the one that had simply melted away for those three wonderful minutes.

"Oh…so is Jake ok?" He asked…oh he was more then ok.

"Yeah…Jake…Jake's good." I stuttered, thinking about how sexy he was and how much I wanted him back right now instead of away at some stupid school.

"Bells….why are you smiling like that?" Charlie asked….shit.

"Smiling….I'm not smiling." I mumbled, stopping immediately.

"Yes you are…Bella what's seriously going on?" He asked again…gosh, since when did he become the prying type?

"Since when did you become the preying type?" I asked….desperately trying to make him lay off.

"I'm not preying….I'm looking for information." He answered.

"Well…I don't have any information to give you so I guess you're screwed." I told him as I dragged my feet up the carpeted stairs into my room….damn I wondered what his problem was.

**(Charlie's POV) **

"Uhhh kids." I muttered, lifting up the news paper and chuckling to my self…..I knew it didn't take nearly ten minutes to get out of a car, Bella acted like I was born yesterday.

Thinking about this I inwardly wondered what had been going on last night, and the previous few when I had been in the hospital. Most parents wouldn't let their teenage daughters hanging out at boys houses but my though was well, it's better then her trying to commit suicide or cut herself, right?

Besides….nothing at all could be going on….maybe they were just talking…if I wanted to say anything I'd need evidence, I'd have to be sure to get some later. Though I wasn't normally one to pry, prying sounded more and more appealing with each thought.

**(Jacob's POV)**

"Uhhh school's finally over." I sighed to myself as I packed my books away and got back into my car. It had been another horridly draining day, it's not that I didn't enjoy learning….it was more the fact that my friends constant questioning was driving me over the edge.

Why the hell did they even care so much if I had a girlfriend or not? I'm sure if one of them ever found someone I wouldn't drill them like they were drilling me. For the hours and hours of them asking questions and me barely answering them one seemed to really stick with me more then any others….They had asked me if we had really done anything yet…now truly I wasn't an overly hormonal person….well at least not as hormonal as Quil or Embry…to me the question felt it was more about stating my claim if that made any sense.

I knew that the bloodsucker would be back soon enough and I knew I loved Bella more then anything in the world….but she had also loved him more then anything and everything as well…if he came back I didn't know who she'd choose….I had been thinking that maybe if she could see what good I could offer her then the scale of me and him would even out more.

**Authors note: That's it for now guys, wish everyone a happy holiday…or if you don't celebrate holidays then um…have a nice winter? Lol idk anyway though love you all, please review and tell me what you think, what you what to see happen next and who you want Bells to end up with. Love you all and a bye bye (=**


	27. you wanna go out soe time?

**Authors note: Sorry guys, I truly would have updated sooner but I was trying to plan out what was going to happen next…honestly to tell you about this story I want it to be the first one I have successfully finished, from the beginning I knew the beginning and end but there are some plot holes in the middle that im still trying to plan out, I'm pretty sure I know how this story is going to go from here and I'll try to finish it as best as I can…though I'm not saying it's near over yet, expect at least 5 more chapters…though I do have something else I want to work on I'll try to finish this up first. Love you all and let's start this (= **

**(Bella's POV) **

"Uhhh, I'm sooo bored." I muttered, fumbling with my laptop, I had been trying to focus…maybe catch up on a little school work….but all I could do was think about Jacob. Kissing him made me fell good, better, like a normally sane person…being with him took me out of my depression, his beautiful smile was like the sunshine shining into the dark cloud that was my inner soul. Being without him was like being stuck in a bad hail storm in the middle of New York City, with no cabs or shelter in distant reach.

I looked over at my tabletop clock to see what time it was, hoping my playing stupid computer games had shaved off at least a few hours of my lifeless existence. "8:45." I sighed…..I had only managed to kill around 90 minutes…..what the hell was I supposed to do with the other three hundred and 80 minutes until the retched school bell rang?

My mind was in much of a fog and I felt unable to work in such a state. If I wasn't going to work then it would probably be in my best interest to leave my room, there were just too many unhealthy habits to get sucked back into in this environment.

Slowly I lifted myself off of my mattress and opened the door to release myself of this space. I didn't really feel like making conversation with my father, but what else was I to do? If I went for a walk I'd get into trouble, if I took a drive I'd probably ram into something, staying in my room only led to cutting, and my other only known friend was now a drug addict….talking to my father was probably the only sane decision I could make at this point, so slowly, cautiously, I made my way down the carpeted stairs into the living room.

As I got closer I could hear him cheering on the Redskins…the only known Washington football team to make it to the championships. "So….how's the game?" I asked, sitting beside him to get a closer look.

"Not bad." He sighed, picking up his beer. "Were only down by two…pretty good to be going against the Cowboys." He sneered their name…there were very few games our team had ever won against them…them and the Giants were my fathers two known football enemies….I didn't understand why he couldn't just cheer for one of them though, they've made it to the super bowl many more times then we have….not saying that our team was bad…it just wasn't….good.

"So…what have you been up to?" he asked me when the game got to half time….I didn't really know how to answer…I hadn't been up to well…anything. "Nothing much." I sighed…sinking into the couch and peering over at the time yet again…I had probably looked the clock over ten times in the past half hour….Charlie seemed to be getting a bit suspicious…I saw him raise his eyebrows at me out of the corner of my right eye.

"Your wait for him huh?" He asked me, questioningly.

"Him? Him who?" I asked…playing dumb.

"Oh you know who I'm talking about all too well." He smiled. "I knew he'd get to you…he gets to everyone with his cute little sunshiny, carefree attitude."

"What, Jake? Jake hasn't gotten to me." I answered, looking away…my lies never sounded convincing...not even to a naïve person like myself.

"You can tell the truth Bella…I'm not mad…actually I think he's quite good for you."

"How do you know I'm not telling the truth?" I asked.

"Bella I know you, your about as good at lying as compulsive liars are at telling the truth." He sighed….I would have answered that statement, but my cell phone started vibrating in my pocket and it was exactly 2:20…so of course, I had to answer it.

**(Jacob's POV) **

I had Just gotten out of school…and I kind of wanted to put my plan into action….I knew nothing would happen tonight, but maybe…just maybe if I took Bella out somewhere romantic, wasted tons of money on food the size of thumb nails, dressed up fantasy, and treated her like the beautiful princess she was destined to be…..maybe I'd get repaid….

I really didn't know if this was going to work out but I decided to give her a call anyway. "Hey Bells."

"Hey." She answered, only letting the phone get through first ring.

"I was wondering…you want to…maybe go out tonight?" I asked, as I paced the room, I was glad nobody was around, I must have looked very stupid…I couldn't really understand why I was so worried, I mean she loved me how could she say anything else but-

"Yes." Bella answered…taking the words right out of my mouth….or rather head in this situation.

"Ummm ok….get ready alright…I'll be over in like an hour." I answered, looking at the clock.

"Ok….where are we going?" she asked….that was a good question, where were we going?

"Uhhh, it's a surprise." I answered.

"Should I dress up?" She asked.

"If you want to." I answered…that probably wasn't the best choice of words…if we did go somewhere fantasy I could only pray to god she would show up in sweats….not that she looked bad….i just didn't want her to feel out of place.

**(Normally I would stop there but I haven't updated in a while so we'll go a little further) **

**(Bella's POV)**

As I got off the phone I could feel myself smiling and my dad staring at me. "Bet I could guess who that was." He laughed.

"That could have been anyone." I answered as I went up the stairs.

"What did he want?"

I didn't really give him a direct answer to his question, just said, "I'll be leaving in an hour!!" And ran up the rest of the stupid carpeted stairs to my room.

When I got into my room I sighed, sitting on my bed and staring into my closet. I had no idea where we were going, and knowing Jake anything was possible….he said dress up if I wanted to…did that mean we were going somewhere fancy or not? I kinda hoped not just cause the fancier you go the more out of place you feel, and the more likely I'll get nervous and trip over something in front of a bunch of snotty people who will probably laugh and think I'm ever stupider...

After thinking all this over for a while I decided to try to meet in the middle of dressy and casual…though I never really dressed up so god knows where that would leave me.

I started to move cloths around, pushing from one hanger to the next…..i had no idea what to wear…was this even a date? I guess that's what it would be considered….One last time I looked at the clock…fifteen minutes of my time had already been used up, wasted away on my stupid pickiness….all I saw around were a bunch of tee shirts and sweat pants….not even any semi fancy tee shirts….I really didn't know what to do, I was about to give up when I saw a box resting on my desk chair….i didn't recall ever opening it, but it looked like it was from Renee…had she sent me another birthday present? Could it be cloths….with last hopes I opened the box and read the card,

_Bella, I know you don't really like new cloths, but I figured something cute might get you out of this slump. _

_ -Love Mom._

I had never been so happy to receive clothing in my life…Thank, thank, thank you mom. I thought as I slipped on the white shirt/dress thing and blackish gray leggings…so not my style but I'd have to say, I didn't look too bad.

I spend the rest of my prep time trying to put on a little makeup and a necklace…in my opinion all of this crap was ridiculous, but on the other hand, Jake might think it was cute.

**(Jacob's POV) **

I wasn't sure how dressy Bella was going to be and I really didn't want to out do her, I had decided to throw on a fitted dark blue, button down buffalo plaid shirt with yellow accents….which by the way made me feel like a girl….especially due to the fact I had gotten it from Abercrombie….though I wasn't saying it I looked bad…just different.

As for pants I thought about kakis, but didn't want her to think I was trying to look like you know who…I figured regular jeans were a little to casual, so I went with black jeans, which felt a little too fitted, and again, made me feel like a girl…I wasn't sure if I looked like a girl…so I slowly peered into the mirror…unbuttoning the first two buttons of my shirt made me feel better and I got into the car.

**(Charlie's POV) **

I knew something was up from the moment Bella's phone rang….but I decided to just sit back and figure it was nothing…when the door bell rang, I thought oh Jake was probably just coming to hang out….when I saw him with flowers in his hand and a kinda dressy outfit on I got suspicious again…though I didn't bother to ask.

"Bella he's here!!" I yelled, leaving him at the door and going back over to the game….then I saw Bella, my daughter, 'Miss I wear sneakers to my own prom' in a dress…with makup on….i knew it was time to ask questions.

**Authors note: OK gonna end it there….where do you think there going? What's gonna happen? Any ideas? **


	28. time for a bunch of firsts

**Authors note: I'd just like to say I really do understand every ones constructive criticism and I really do appreciate it. I am aware of my plot holes and the fact of having scattered ideas. I'll try to re read more carefully before posting just to make sure I don't write something out of no where and put in some more detail and vocabulary words. Though I do have to say if anyone goes back to my first story and compares it to this one there really is quite a lot improvement. I used to not put detail anywhere and just have a bunch of stupid dialog with tons more misspellings. I'll seriously try to fill some holes and not make new ones anything else anyone would like to add in comments would be appreciated because I'm willing to improve. Still love you all and I'm gonna try this again (= **

**(Charlie's POV) **

"Um ok, what the hell is going on here?" I asked, dropping my half empty beer, and muting the television as I watched my daughter come down our stairwell, wearing a…shirt…dress….thing and fancy shoes, with her face caked in makeup (well not caked exactly but for her even a little was a lot) and curls in her hair.

"What are you talking about Dad?" Bella asked through her teeth, I guess trying to que me to shut up. She was above age, so I couldn't really tell her what to do anymore…though it wasn't like I wouldn't be reporting this one to her mother later. Getting off topic though, seeing my daughter like this was really quite odd. After all, Bella in a dress was like Tony Romo suddenly dropping football for ballet lessons….it just doesn't happen.

"I guess I'll just let you kids have your fun then….though, would it be too much to ask where it is your going?" It was a question directed more towards Jacob then my daughter…he seemed much easier to break, with his quiet humming and looking down at the ground.

"Um….well I'm kind of taking Bella out for a surprise…but not to worry, she'll get fed and wont be dropped off too late." He mumbled, kicking at a rose peddle that had fallen off his, or now I guess I should say Bella's bouquet of flowers.

"Well alright then, try to be back before midnight." I answered, sighing as I slumped back down into the living room sofa to salvage what was left of my now half way through forth quarter game.

**(Jake's POV) **

"Uhhh, I'm sorry about my father, I don't know what's gotten into him." Bella sighed unhappily, as she tugged at her dress before stepping into the passengers seat of my car.

"No it's cool, I mean he is your father, I'd be worried too if my beautiful daughter was going out with some guy." I smiled at her, right now Bella looked more beautiful then any super model, or girl in a playboy book….not that I looked through those or anything….

"I guess…..but one you're not just some guy, Charlie's known you for forever and two- She started to say, but I lifted a finger to stop her.

"Bella before you say your not beautiful just stop, cause you are…so, so beautiful." I answered.

"How on earth did you know what I was going to say?" She asked questioningly, as she tucked a few loose strands of hairs behind her ear.

"Hum I don't know? Mind reading abilities?" I joked…not realizing what I had just said…nice going Jake, way to put your foot in your mouth!! I mentally bellowed at myself.

Quickly I turned to Bella to see if I had offended her but she was still smiling…Inwardly I wondered if she hadn't heard me…best just not to ask.

"So….um…can I know where it is we're going yet?" Bella asked, breaking the short silence.

"I take the fifth." I smiled, "You're just going to have to wait and see." I answered as I veered left and looked down at the digital clock near the radio.

"Well….if you won't tell me where it is we're going, can I at least know if we're almost there?" She asked, pulling at my sleeve, trying desperately to reason with me I presume.

"Uhhh, we'll be there in around 5 minutes." I answered, giving her a blindfold.

"What's this for?" She asked, again in utter confusion…all I could do was laugh, god knows what she was thinking.

"I told you I wanted it to be a surprise", was all I said as I drove further and further down the street.

******************

**(Bella's POV) **

"Jacob, can I please take this blindfold off now?" I whined as I got out of the car, he knew I could barely walk seeing let alone blind.

"In a few more steps." He said as he took my hand in his and gently guided me along the path. I really hoped we weren't somewhere with a lot of people, they'd all probably think we were crazy, and when I took this blindfold off I'd most likely look like a clown with all my eyeliner and mascara that was most likely being smeared more and more with each step.

"Why is it so quite?" I asked…I remembered learning somewhere that if one sense was covered, like your sight then others would enhance like your hearing…so if this was true shouldn't I be able to hear the people, cars, surroundings, something? Had I suddenly gone deaf? No, that wasn't possible…I could still hear Jake…well unless I was imagining him. I figured my thinking was now getting overwhelmingly daft, so I mentally shut myself up, and twisted my frigid fingers more securely around Jacob's swelteringly hot ones.

"Ok, take it off."

"Huh, what?" I asked.

"The blindfold." He snickered at my dimwitted moment as he released my hand to untie the string.

"Oh….that." I answered, trying to keep my cool….the truth was I had a zillion butterflies fluttering around in my stomach and I was anything but cool, mostly I was probably just on the verge of throwing up.

Normally when I was around Jake, well everything was ok, I never felt weird around him….tonight though, I felt quite uncouth. One reason was because I had no idea where the hell we were, and I always felt strange in a dress, but the other was because I had no idea where this night might lead…I mean I knew we only had until twelve before Charlie began to get suspicious, but that was almost five hours…a lot could happen in five hours.

"Bella…are you alright?" Jake asked as he finally got the knot out of the blindfold, I could feel my hands shake a little, I wasn't exactly sure why I was acting this way, but I definitely needed to calm my nerves.

Finally after almost five minutes of question I was able to look around….we were at La push beach….I knew because I had recalled seeing the sign that faithful day I had tried to jump off that cliff and end my life just a short time ago…I was very glad Jake had stopped me.

"What are we doing here?" I asked.

"I kinda….made a little beach picnic." He blushed, running his fingers through his hair as we walked over to the blanket.

"Oh yes, I remember this spot." I answered, taking it all in.

"Well…I figured what better a place for a first date then where we shared our first kiss" He smiled, looking almost into the sky, I guessed replaying the moment in his head.

"Awe Jake this is so sweet, you cooked?" I asked, remembering to when he told me he could barely make cereal.

"Well sort of…I had some help from Sam's fiancé." He answered. I thought that sounded strange, just days before hadn't he told me he hated Sam?

"Something wrong?" he asked.

"No….it just." I started to say but stopped.

"Just what?" He asked, tucking the hair behind my ear that I had tried to pull back before.

"I thought you disliked Sam." I answered his question.

"He's not so bad." Was the only answered I was given on the topic. I figured I'd take him for his word, after all sometimes even the worst of enemies became friends, I didn't see why that couldn't happen here.

"So um…do you like it?" Jacob asked me, a couple of minutes later.

"Yeah, I love it, everything's perfect." I smiled, snuggling closer to him.

"Well that's good." He breathed a sigh of relief. "I figured you weren't much of the big fancy restaurant type so…."

"You figured right, and besides there are no fancy restaurants in the middle of nowheresvill Washington." I giggled.

"I know, but for you I would have traveled thousands of miles." He sighed, tracing the lines on my hand.

"Jacob I'll never understand how you could possibly love me so much, you're so beautiful and me….I'm nothing special." I sighed.

"Nothing special? Are you crazy Bella?" He asked, looking at me seriously.

"No…I'm merrily telling you the truth."

"Maybe you just need higher self-esteem." He answered.

"How do you suggest I increase my self-esteem?" I asked.

"I don't know….telling you how beautiful you are doesn't really seem to be working….maybe I should start showing you." He Smirked, pulling me on top of him…I knew what he wanted, and I knew I loved him more then anything in the world, I just didn't know if I was ready.

**Authors note: That's it for now guys….tell me what you think is going to happen and any comments and or constructive criticism is more then welcome love all of you and have a nice day (=**


	29. how to ruin a perfect date

**Authors note: Thanks sooo, sooo very much for everyone who reviewed, I love you all and hope you had a happy new-year, I would have posted this sooner but I haven't really had any time to write, I've had so many midterms to study for and I had to retake a Spanish test yesterday and my brain has just really been fried. I hope you all haven't left me (= I guess I'll see when the reviews start coming in (=**

**(Bella's POV) **

"Bells, are you ok?" Jacob asked, with a worried expression on his face, as he pushed some hair out of my eye. I really couldn't answer, truthfully I didn't even know if I knew the answer. Was I ok? Did I want to do this? As Jake slid his hand up the back of my dress I realized I didn't have much time to think it over.

I wanted to make him happy, I wanted to finally have a way to pay him back properly for all the good he's done for me but could I do this? Was this even the right way to pay him back?

I wasn't sure but I knew one thing, I was beginning to feel quite sick, I thought it may have just been butterflies at first but as it progressed I knew it was nauseousness.

"Bella, what's wrong?" Jake asked as I got up and ran for the bushes.

**(Jacob's POV)**

God what was wrong now? I thought everything was going perfectly, the dinner was beyond fantastic, she'd seemed happy and now she was puking…was it from the food or just a nervous stomach…I had no idea…I just thought she'd be ready, I guess I was wrong to try to push her further. God I'm such an idiot.

"Bells, are you alright?" I asked, following her vomiting sounds as I approached the bushes….maybe she was bulimic after all….or it could have still been that worried thing.

"I'm fine." She answered, jumping out of the bush, trying to act casual, as if nothing had happened. I inwardly laughed at her bewildered attempts.

(Bella's POV)

"Come on, I should take you home." Jacob answered as he put his arm around my waist, leading me back into the rabbit. As I looked up at him I could see a pained expression spreading across his face…I must have really disappointed him, now my stomach hurt even more, not from nerves, but guilt. I now felt horrible, horrible guilt. There had to be a way to salvage this night, there just had too.

******************

As Jake backed his car into my driveway I noticed that Charlie's curser was gone…half of me was worried about where he had gone and if he was ok but the other half of me was pleasantly surprised, and thought that maybe there was still some small smidgen of a chance to salvage what was left of our date, after all, it had only the worst ending possible in the history of endings know to man kind, not even exaggerating.

"Jake, you want to come inside for a few minutes?" I asked, taking his hand. It was very hard to sound seductive when you smelled like the inside of an old shoe. Again, thank you so much nervous stomach, you sure do make me look fabulous.

I saw him peer at the clock before he said, "I guess I could stay for a little while", and stepped gracefully out of the front seat. It's funny how much more gracefully he could be then me, I was such a stupid, stumbling, klutz….thank god I had wore flats tonight or I would have made an even bigger foul of myself.

When we got inside I noticed a note on the table, probably from Charlie, I guessed as I picked it up to read.

"_Bella, if you get this you've probably gotten back from your 'date' with Jacob, hope you had fun_, _not too much fun though…anyway, the station called me and I figured I felt well enough to go, be back around four_

_-Charlie _

Well this is convenient, I thought as I slipped the paper into my clutch….it felt so awkward carrying a purse, but at least now I had something in it, even if it was just paper.

"What was that all about?" Jacob asked.

"Charlie said he wont be back until around four, he's doing police work." I answered smiling; inwardly I wondered if he caught my drift, he did smile back, but sure looked awfully confused.

"You want to maybe go upstairs for a bit?" I asked, playfully pulling on his hand.

**(Jacob's POV) **

Bella wasn't getting at what I thought she was getting at was she? I don't know…all I knew was I probably shouldn't expect anything…..speaking of that I probably owed her an apology.

"Bella." I lowly yelled as she brushed her teeth.

"Yah?" she mumbled.

"I um…I just wanted to say I'm sorry if I pushed you too far." I sighed, taking a seat on her bed.

"Uhhh Jake." She sighed, coming into the room.

"Yah?"

"You really shouldn't be apologizing." she answered as she sat on my lap and began trying to straddle me; it was quite funny to watch actually.

"Why?" I questioned, putting my hands on her stomach so she didn't fall….this one would be hard to explain to Charlie if she ended up in the hospital.

"Because…you didn't push me too far….you did absolutely nothing wrong." She smiled, then practically attacked my face with her lips.

I wasn't quite sure what to do, so I just went along with it, gently kissing her back as I thanked god she had brushed her teeth…umm minty fresh…perfect.

**(Bella's POV) **

I stopped kissing Jacob for a split second to look up at his expression, I could tell his eyes were smiling so I felt happy, after all if he was happy then so was I.

Since he looked into it I figured I'd go a little further. Slightly shifting I eased into the bed and started to un button the top buttons on his buffalo plaid shirt.

"Bella, what are you doing?" He stopped me.

"Isn't this what you wanted?" I asked, deeply confused by his expressions.

"Well…yah…but is this what you want too?" He asked, looking deep into my eyes…I guessed he wanted to be absolutely sure this time.

"I want you to be happy." I answered.

"Bella, you don't have to do this to make me happy." He sighed, beginning to get up.

"No, wait." I stopped him.

"What?" He asked.

"I…I do want this." I answered…desperately trying not to upset him again.

"Is that guilt talking?" He asked.

"No….." I answered, hopefully I was telling the truth, though not even I knew what I was saying most of the time, I knew I did love him, and I really didn't want him to leave me. Jacob was the sun that kept my rainy soul bright and full of life.

"Come back down?" I asked, innocently batting my eyelashes and putting on a pouty puppy dog pout.

"Only for you", he smiled, kissing me gently again as I got back down to business.

"Your sure this is what you want right?" He asked, yet again.

"Didn't we already go through this?" I smiled as I finally unbuttoned the last button on his shirt and tossed it on the floor.

I could see his eyes smiling again as he delicately lifted my dress up over my head.

**(Jacob's POV) **

I guessed Bella was sure this time, I thought as I dropped her dress on her bedroom floor. She was so beautiful, I thought as she smiled a sweet smile from underneath me and started running her hand down my bare chest.

I was about to go further when we both heard a strange noise….actually two strange noises.

It sounded as if there was a tapping on the window and a tapping on the door. Shit, I thought as I slowly peered over my shoulder….why did he have to be back right now? Just in time to ruin the most perfect night of my entire life. Couldn't he have come twenty minutes later, tomorrow, something, no he had to be here right now.

I looked over at Bella to see what she was thinking but she was staring at the door, that's when I remembered the second noise.

"Hey Bells, I came back early, any particular reason Jake's car is in the driveway…." Charlie asked….shit, shit, shit, we were sooo fucking dead.

"You want to answer the door or the window?" I asked her.

**Authors note: Ooooh cliffy (= yay love cliffyies tell me what you guys think is going to happen!!!! Who the fuck's at the window? Will Charlie kill Jacob or will he be able to sneak out in time?**


	30. charlie's a police dog

**Authors note: Thanks for the reviews guys I love u all…missing some of the regulars….makes me a little sad but maybe u'll all come back around this chapter (= I can only hope right (= anyways though I'm gonna add shitloads of detail this chapter and um hopefully make it entertaining (= **

**(Jacob's POV) **

Charlie was still pounding on the door…and _he _was still pleasantly perched at the sill of Bella's window.

When Charlie started fiddling with the doorknob I knew we had to do something before it was too late.

"Bella, please go answer the door." I whispered to her, as lowly as I could….she seamed to be in some sort of antiepileptic shock. "Bells? Is everything ok up there?" I asked, tapping on the temple of her forehead. All she could say was, "Edward, Edward, Edward!!!"

"Yes, Edward is at the window….but if you don't answer the door your father will shoot me, and that means you will be stuck a virgin forever." I explained to her ever so slowly, and in the simplest terms I possibly could, I hoped she found them comprehendible. "Now come on Bella, get up." I sighed as I gently pushed her closer to her bedroom door…unfortunately she nearly hit her head on it as she pried it open.

**(Bella's POV)**

Oh my effing god Edward was at the window and my father was at the door, what the fuck was I supposed to even tell either one of them? Especially my father…

I opened the door halfway and he just stood there, staring at me like I was some alien from another planet or something…I wondered why but then I remembered a key factor…I was still half naked….shit I'm stupid now what the fuck am I going to say?

"Hey dad." I half smiled, getting behind the door to cover myself. "Your home early."

"Bella…you weren't were you?" Was all he could manage to ask, and still keep half his cool…I could see his hand slightly rested on the side of his belt where he kept his gun….i really, really hoped he didn't have it on him…I didn't see anything, but then again it was dark….

"I wasn't what?" I asked…..trying to play stupid.

"You know what you were doing." He sighed, trying to open the door fully so he could see inside. I was trying to hold it back, but my grip was weak….he was going to find out and we were going to be so dead.

"Isabella Marie Swan." He sighed…shit, full name…this is worse then I thought.

"Yes daddy?" I answered…batting the eyelashes of innocents, though I could tell by the look on his face it wasn't quite working.

"If you weren't doing anything then open the door." He answered…..uhhh I was a dead girl anyway, why not let him in and die sooner.

I stepped aside from the door so he could open it….when I turned around Jacob was no where to be seen…had he jumped out the window? No, I think I would have heard a bang by now….maybe he was hiding in the closet or something.

"See…no one's here." I answered, trying to lie as best I could.

I didn't think Charlie believed me quite sooo much though…I could see his face scrunch up as he eyed the room….he looked like a police dog…before I know it he'll probably start sniffing the place or something.

I just sat on my bed and awaited what was to come…whatever that was. Charlie on the other hand started acting like a crazy man….looking under the bed, out the window, opening the draws…how could he seriously think anyone could fit in there? Especially someone as big as Jacob…Ummm big….don't think about it, don't think about it, don't think about it!!!!! Shit, my mind was going to drive me insane.

As Charlie went around the room he stopped motionlessly at the closet and stuck his ear to it…trying to here breathing or something I guess…god I didn't know having a cop for a dad was so weird until today. He was acting like a fucking stalker!!!

As I thought this Charlie scared me half to death barging into my closet like he was a member of the swat team…I guess he had been trained to do that but still….

"Hey Charlie." Jacob sighed.

"Out, were gonna talk about this tomorrow." Charlie uttered in disgust.

"Um as in we…." Jacob started to say….picking his detached cloths off the ground.

"Me, you, Bella, and your father." He sighed.

"Um Charlie….i know this is probably a bad time but…you know where Billy is?" Jacob asked.

"Yeah, he's been staying at the Clearwater's…didn't you know?" Charlie asked him.

**(Jacob's POV) **

"Billy's at the Clearwater's?" I asked…in the same shock Bella was in before.

"Uhhh….Sam said not to tell you…" He remembered….wait…so the bloodsuckers didn't have my father….why the fuck was Sam lying to me then?" Uhhh I had to go talk to him. "See you later Bells." I sighed and gave her a half smile eyeing her over one last time….uhhh it was so hard to look at her, she was too much of a reminder of a perfect night gone wrong….so horribly, horribly wrong.

"Jake wait…" Bella stopped me as I got to the door.

"Huh?" I asked…

"Don't you want this back?" She smiled handing me my belt….well this was awkward, I thought as I looked over at Charlie…he was still staring me down…boy did we lose his trust.

"Jake wait…" Bella muttered again.

"What?" I asked….slightly worried for her answer.

"I don't get a good night kiss?" She asked, rubbing her hand don my chest again…did she not care her father was standing right there?

"Um hum!!!" Charlie grunted…. As if telling her to pull away.

"I think you've had enough kisses for one night Bella." I laughed, putting my shirt back on as I walked away.

* * *

**(Bella's POV)**

I tried to kiss Jacob one last time before he left, but he wouldn't give in….I know it probably looked bad but I figured I was already in trouble with my father anyway might as well get the most out of it.

"Bella put your dress in the laundry, change your sheets, do whatever you need to do, just go to sleep…will talk tomorrow." Charlie sighed as he left the room…I could see his looks of disgust still lingering on his now hardened face.

I guessed now I had nothing better to do then go to sleep and await tomorrows little 'talk' only god knows how that will go over….though then again….was _he_ still at the window?

**(Charlie's POV) **

I looked over at the clock as I took out my cell phone…three am…shit. It was way too late, I forced myself to take a seat on the couch as I fiddled with the phone….would it be too late to inform Renee…should I even tell her? On one hand, I guess you could say she had the right to know, but on the other hand who knew if she was thinking the same thing Bella was at 3 am…

"Uhhh….I guess I'll call." I finally decided, almost ten minutes after the point.

"Hello…what's wrong…is Bella dead? Charlie it's 3am please tell me this is an emergency." Renee blurted out all at once…god and I thought I was panicky.

"Well….do you remember Jacob?" I asked…

*******************

**(Bella's POV) **

Oh my god, I couldn't believe my father….telling the whole world about my personal affairs….he's sooo mean…I'm an adult, I should be able to do whatever the fuck I want!!! Well….almost an adult anyway….

When I realized I was not going to be able to sleep I decided to make my way over to the window and see if my little visitor was still there….at first I didn't see anything but then out of nowhere I was swept onto the front long.

"Bella." He sighed, breathing heavily, as if taking in my scent…inwardly I wondered if he could smell Jacob too…would that make him mad…did I even want to talk to him after all the pain he had inflicted into my poor helpless soul….after all, I was happier now…I didn't need him anymore….I didn't want him anymore.

"Oh Bella, I've missed you so." He sighed…pulling my hair behind my ear.

"Oh really? Cause I haven't missed you." I venomly answered as I started walking away…Charlie would probably yell at me even more now, thinking that I had snuck out or something…maybe I could say I had fallen out the window…though how much sense would that make?

**Authors note: Gonna stop there for right now…though I'm kinda in the mood to write so you guys might get another chapter up later today…tell me though…why do you think Sam has been lying to Jacob? Will Bella finish talking to Edward? How awkward is Charlie's little 'talk' going to be?!?!?!**


	31. its painful to talk

**Authors note: I miss all my reviews guys so please give me some (= cause if you do I'll love your forever…having few reviews makes me really not want to update…but then again if I don't write every once in a while my brain will drive me insane (= so here's another chapter for you and please, please review….i even love the update soon reviews (=**

**a/n also if this starts getting off topic or stupid I highly apologize…I just got my tooth pulled out (stupid braces) and am a little loopy on meds…I wouldn't worry though (= well hopefully not lol (=**

**(Bella's POV) **

"Wait Bella come back." Edward whispered through the darkness, grabbing my wrist a little too tightly as I started to venture back to the front door.

"What?!?!?!" I asked, pulling my wrist back and holding it in hands…he had re opened the cut and it was now starting to drip little red droplets all over the grass…fantastic.

"What…what happened?" He asked, attempting to grab my wrist again to look at it…..though his cold touch made the burning feel a little better I still forced myself away from him....I really didn't want him to get any ideas.

"It's none of your business." I answered, starting to walk away again.

"He didn't…did he?" Was he assuming Jacob had hurt me?

"Of course not!!!" I shot back at him.

"Well….I did here his kind are a little on the short tempered side."

"Short tempered?!?!? Seriously?!?!" I couldn't even talk to him about this, I was just so furious…thinking he could judge someone he didn't even know. "Jacob is amazing….he's beautiful and wonderful and twice the man you could ever dream of being…if you really want to know who did this to me then ask me." I sighed. "Just ask me."

"Fine….who?" He asked staring at me with his stupid smile….shit….I really need to remember to put more cloths on before I'm dragged out the window…how many other people are going to see me in my underwear tonight? I mean seriously, this was starting to get ridiculous!!!

"You…you did this to me." I answered him as I crossed my arms over my chest in an attempt to cover up…this was so not a good time for a cleavagey bra.

"I know I grabbed your arm too hard but-" He started to mutter almost to himself. I cut him off putting a finger to his lips.

"Of course not now….but you leaving me…it tore me apart…it…it made me do this." I answered as I walked as fast as I could back to my house without possibility of tripping.

"Bella wait….I…I don't understand." He followed me.

"I'm not waiting anymore, I've been through waiting for months now…I'm trough…I've moved on…you wanted to talk and I talked…that's all your getting, I hope your happy." I evilly smirked as I got closer to the door.

"But Bella wait…you don't understand…I…I cant live without you!!" He yelled, quite shaken…it kind of sounded like if he could cry he would be doing it right now.

"Oh well….I guess you'll just have to die then." I answered…inwardly I wondered if that was too harsh….then I remembered all the pain he had caused me….i think I handled that just fine.

As I walked back in Charlie paused his conversation on the phone for a second. "How on earth did you get outside?" He questioned.

"I fell out the widow…now if you'd excuse me I'm going to sleep." I yawned as I went off to bed….I was already in trouble with Charlie….adding a little more on top of the now overwhelmingly large pile wouldn't really matter.

**Authors note: Stop there for right now…might get some more up later please, please, review (= love ya **


	32. Awkward discussion

**Authors note: Sorry it's taken me so long to update but barely anyone has been reviewing and it's just kinda made me too sad to update…I guess this is just for the few of you who still bother to read….I want to at least finish this story for you guys…I hope it meets expectations and again I love you all and really, really hope you review**.

**(Bella's POV) **

I woke up the next morning feeling almost hung-over, in a blurred fog, it was just one of those, 'what the fuck happened last night' moments.

As I eased my way off my bed I could see my half bare body. I fell asleep without getting dressed, great…just another reminder of my ruined date plans. I was still trying to rap my mind around how the best night ever could also be considered one of the worst at the same time.

I decided to take a quick shower to wash off any remnants of last night. As I made my way to the bathroom door the sound of my father's voice stopped me dead in my tracks. "Bella, be ready…it'll be in an hour." He shouted from what sounded like the kitchen…It took me a second to figure out what exactly he was talking about, but then, it hit me….he wanted to talk…oh joy, just exactly how I wanted to spend the rest of this lovely day, sitting down with my father and boyfriend, talking about the relationship that will never be.

**(Jacob's POV) **

I cringed at the thought of what was to come as I drove my father down to Bella's house. The whole ride down we didn't speak, barely even glanced at one another. When I peered at his face through the corner of my eye I didn't see anger, or astonishment. I saw more of what could only be described as awkward embarrassment and the worried and annoyed look of wishing this could all be over. In fact, I guess his expression was almost at muse to mine.

I wasn't sure why Charlie drove us all into doing this, I mean Billy and I have had this talk already, and I'm pretty sure Bella probably did as well. Doing this was obscene, ridiculous even. It was as if we were little kids, but we weren't. We were practically adults. Bella would be 18 soon and I was less then a year behind her. We couldn't have our parents making crucial decisions for us for the rest of our lives.

**(Bella's POV) **

While finishing my long, well needed shower I heard the kitchen door opening and Jake and Billy coming in. I figured Jake would need me out there now more then ever so I cut my shower short, got a towel, and proceeded to step outside.

Jake saw me and smiled, then turned away…too afraid of my father to even look at me. I came over and tried sitting in his lap until my father stopped me.

"Get dressed." He ordered, looking at me as if I was being disgraceful.

"Gosh, you act like it's a crime to have a boyfriend." I muttered angrily, walking away.

He ignored my statement as if I wasn't even there and just sat down, shunning me completely.

**(Jake's POV) **

As I sat at the table with Billy and Charlie I didn't look at anyone, I couldn't. Seeing the way Bella was acting made me feel as though I was disgracing them, like being in love was a form of dishonor.

I respected each of them very much and never wanted to let either of them lose respect for me.

"I'm sorry." I muttered when Bella was finally out of view.

"Sorry for what?" Charlie asked, as if wanting me to say it.

"I'm sorry for…violating your daughter, and losing your respect." I answered, keeping my head to the ground.

He took in a deep breath, and sighed before he answered. "You were just being a teenage boy." He muttered, not looking directly at me either. "It's not your fault and I haven't lost my respect for you." He answered as I looked on in shock.

"You don't hate me?" I asked.

"Jake, I can never hate you. You're a great kid, you bought life back to my daughter, you made her happy again and pulled her out of her depression when no one else could. As long as you keep her happy I'll never hate you."

"Well your going to hate me if…you know…I use one of my many ways of bringing joy into her life." I stated.

All he did was sigh again. "Listen, that may not be my favorite way of you helping with her happiness, but you guys are old enough to make the right decisions, we can no longer stop you."

"I understand."

"Just remember to be safe." He stated handing me a box. Well, this is awkward, I thought as I put it away, never thought id get condoms from Charlie.

"And Jake." He added.

"Yah?" I asked.

"One more thing."

"Anything."

"I'm never going to approve of this, ever." He stated.

"I understand."

"Not in my house, especially if I'm home." He added.

"Um hum."

"And, if I find you doing this, in my house, with my daughter it's not going to be my fault if someone gets one to the head." He stated pointing to the gun.

"Yes sir, understood." Was all I could even think of saying. Great now all I could do was picture myself running down the street naked as Charlie chased me with a gun as I screamed "I'm sorry! I'm so, so sorry!"

"Anything else you'd like to add?" Charlie asked Billy as Bella finally stared to come out of the house.

"Yes actually." Billy smirked, looking at Charlie. "Those are way to small for him, I'm going to have to take him to the drug store later." Billy stated, taking the box.

"But those are…large." Charlie stated, an unsettling expression appearing on his face.

"I know." Billy answered.

"Jake." Charlie said again.

"Yes?" I asked awkwardly.

"One more thing, if you hurt her I'll hurt you." He answered. "And if she chokes to death, you're the one taking her to the hospital."

It took me a few seconds to get what he meant but when I did I was sort of disgusted. "Don't worry, I don't think any of that will be happening any time soon." I answered.

"Any of what?" Bella asked.

"Nothing." I stated as Charlie gestured me to leave.

"It's your turn." I smiled, squeezing her hand.

"Oh god." She sighed, sitting down.

The last thing I heard as I wheeled Billy into the rabbit was "Bella we need to start talking about birth control."

**A/N: Well, that was an awkward talk. Anyway's please review, I really want to finish this story and without your reviews it may never happen (= **


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